


Fate

by AmandaBecker



Category: Sanditon (TV 2019), Sanditon - Jane Austen
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Continuation, F/M, First Love, Happy Ending, Intrigue, Love, My First Fanfic, Romance, Sequel, Sidlotte - Freeform, True Love, True Mates
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-04
Updated: 2019-12-09
Packaged: 2021-01-23 03:10:42
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 25
Words: 34,577
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21313213
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AmandaBecker/pseuds/AmandaBecker
Summary: After episode 8. Sidney and Charlotte have to face their new lifes. But after the time in love and together their are no longer the same persons they once were.They have changed. Both of them try to be strong and move on. But only in the right direction.
Relationships: Charlotte Heywood & Sidney Parker, Charlotte Heywood/Sidney Parker, Mary Parker/Tom Parker (Sanditon)
Comments: 124
Kudos: 306





	1. Hope

**Author's Note:**

> I am new in the fandom, it's my first Fanfiction ever, my first language is not english and I am no historian.  
But I love Sanditon, Charlotte & Sidney, Jane Austen and Romance.
> 
> So I hope you enjoy. And I can write more.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> We meet Sidney at the Clifftop after the horrible goodbye with Charlotte.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A very short introduction to my version of the sequel.

His legs were hurting while he was kneeling in the mud of the cliff top. He didn't know how long he was there. The time vanished like her carriage in the fog of his tears. 

He couldn't breath, he couldn't think.  
He was only there.

Empty inside. Cold.  


His horse nuzzled in the grass next to him. Sidney’s eyes lifted up in the sky, the rain dropped in his face and the dusk darkened the sky. He stood up and took the reins and started the way down. He couldn’t ride home, he didn’t know how to do that anymore.

At some point he reached his brother's house. He greeted no one and disappeared into his room.

Later, when everything was quiet, he sneaked into her room. Sidney could smell her light, fresh scent even though the room had been tidied up and redone. Stroking the furniture he wandered around the room. On the desk was still the pen with which she had written her last letter. Sidney touched it slightly and tears welled up in his eyes. What had she written to her family? Did they know what happened? What he did to her?

He continued to roam the room. On the small table beside her bed was a book. His trembling hands opened the page she had last read. His eyes focused on one sentence. 

“Man’s character is his fate.”

He read out in a whisper. Heraclitus. His character was his fate. To do everything for his family. For his brother. To give up his happiness, to give up the love. The new and strong and everlasting love. The love of his life. Charlotte appeared in his mind. She was full of life. Was. As they said goodbye, she looked like wrong out. Life was out of her eyes. All her life was out of her. She looked like a ghost. He could not breath. He had done that. A sob escaped his lips and he walked over to the window. He saw his own face in the mirror of the night. Pale. Like a ghost.

"Give up the love of my life is like give up life itself,” he thought. 

His eyes wandered restlessly. Sidney went to the cupboard that had been hers for the last few weeks. Hoping to catch another glimpse of her warmth or scent, he opened the door. What he found was her light blue gown from the midsummer ball.

Sidney touched it tenderly. Tears fell again. He pulled it close to him. Dug his nose into it and cried in silence.

Mary couldn’t sleep and stood up, to not wake Tom. She went over the hall and found the door to Charlotte’s room a little bit open. Curious she went to close the door. What she saw broke her heart. 

Sidney was lying in her bed, her blue dress from the ball clutched to his chest. It was dreadful to see. He was broken. Again.

She knew they had feelings for each other. Anybody who had eyes saw it. But she didn’t know how deep these feelings were. She had thought it was just a small crush. The beginning of something. Nothing to serious yet. But sure she knew Sidney. He gave all or nothing. Tears glistened in her eyes.

So finally he had found love again. Could love again. Could let someone in. And then he has given it away for Tom. For her and the children. For Sanditon - Tom's dream, his future. Not his own.

Mary brushed the tears away and closed the door. Maybe she could think about it tomorrow.

The wedding date wasn’t set yet, so maybe there was still hope.


	2. not anymore

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Charlotte woke up in the last hour of the night. And also Sidney found no sleep. Maybe they still have a lot more in common...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all for the nice comments! I hope you enjoy this chapter to.  
I love slow slow slow BURN.

Charlotte woke up in the last hour of the night. She couldn’t sleep. It was to loud.  
Everything was to loud.  


Her heart racing, the breathing of her sister next to her. The creaking of the floor. The chatter of the geese, or their siblings. The rumbling of the many feet on the stairs. Not even at night she had peace. With three sisters in one room and the little ones who crawled into her bed at night and kept her awake with their cold feet. It was too loud. And yet not loud enough to silence her thoughts.

She stood up and dressed quietly to stand a few minutes later on the field behind the house. A light wind blow through her hair, which let her close her eyes. The pictures flew her mind again. Like the dream, which had woken her up.

His face so close to hers. The warmth of his breath like a smooth touch. The whisper of her name before he was coming closer. Slowly but also in a blink of an eye. His warm lips on hers. Light. One of his strong arms around her back. The grip of his hand tight on her lower back. His lips moved. And the only thing she could think was... Sidney Sidney Sidney.

Tenderly he had detached himself from her and she had leaned closer. More. More. It was not enough. Not enough. Their lips touched gently again, before he exhales a trembling breath and laid his forehead on hers.

Tears welled up in her eyes and with a shaking breath Charlotte touched her lips. Desperate longing to touch and smell him again. To feel his strong arms around her.

Never again. Never again. A loud sob brought her back to her senses.  
She could not act like that!  
No one but Alison knew what had happened. Her parents thought she was homesick. Homesick to a place that could never become her home. She couldn't live there. Not anymore.  
  


  


Sidney was standing at the window and starred out to the ocean. He touched his lips. The feeling of her lips on his woke him up this time. Sometimes it was only her face, her smile, the memory of her touch on his chest, after their kiss on the cliff top. Only one kiss. Would he have been nicer in the beginning, maybe there were quit more kisses. And probably an engagement, if she'd accepted. If he had reacted differently to her. If only he'd shown her his true feelings before. 

At the latest after the ball in London, he should have revealed himself. But Tom had wished her a good night before he could react. And he only had caught her shy smile in his direction. The avoiding being with him alone in one room. At that time he did not know it, but now he knew the reason for her insecurity. Her reticence when they were back in Sandition.

Eliza.

Tom's talk of her. He neither wanted it then, nor did he want it now. He wanted to be with Charlotte. His dearest Charlotte. Only her.  
He wanted to meet her at the altar to marry her, not to watch others seal their love.  
Talking to her without the gap that now lay between them. Hold her hand against his chest. Dance with her. Embrace her. Burying his hands in her wild curls. Kiss her again.

A light smile surrounded his mouth as he thought of his embarrassing stammering during their walk. Since weeks he was desperate to kiss her. Desperate to hold her. And in the moment their lips touched he couldn’t breathe or move. Desire pierced him, so he could only tighten the grip on her back. 

Charlotte. Charlotte.

He had to stop himself from going too far. Carefully he detached himself from her without really moving away from her. They stood so close, he thought he could feel her heartbeat on his chest. Her breath went a little too fast, but touched him deeply, as he did the same. When he could bring himself to raise his head and look her in the eye, he thought his heart would stop.

She was so beautiful. So beautiful. With blushed cheeks, freckles on her nose. She had smiled shyly at him and warmth flooded him, almost made him cry.

"I love you,” said his heart and he believed she understood.

The longing for her nearness had not diminished. Sidney thought it was getting even more painful every day. But he'll probably never see her again. Never again.  
A loud sob escaped him and he closed his eyes and laid his forehead against the window to cool him down. He was desperate to be with her. But it couldn’t be. Not anymore.

  


"Are you alright?" Mary asked him at the breakfast table later. He looked at her without any emotion and took another sip of his tea.  
"No, I am not.“ His gaze dropped on the floor. So was it all the time since Charlotte left, she thought. After the silence stretched out, Mary said.  
"We have to find a solution."  
"For what?“ He asked brusque.  
"For all that," she made a dissipated movement with her arms.  
"I've found a solution that will solve all of Tom's problems. Don’t you think?“ A sarcastic huff escaped him.

"This is not what I mean.“  
"And what did you mean?“ Sidney took another sip of his lukewarm tea.  
"That you’ll marry the wrong woman.“ Mary said with a guilty tone in her voice.  
"There is no solution for that.“ He rose from the table.  
"I must go to see Georgiana, you excuse me." It was not a question.

"Sidney, please.“ He stood still but didn't looked to his sister-in law.  
“We have to find another way.“ She said. He looked at her with an empty look.  
“There is no other way.“

She tried again "Sidney." He turned fully around to her.  
“It seems as you are not here anymore, since... since she is gone.“  


"Yes“ he said quietly “’cause she took me with her."


	3. tongue-lashing

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Georgiana has something to say.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It is a longer one, I hope you like.

”She was here.“ Georgina told him so as he was barely in the room.  
“Who?“  
“You know who!“ His heart began to race. When, when?  
“When?“  
“The day she left.“  
“Oh.“  
“Oh? Where have you been? After all what you have done to her, you couldn’t even say goodbye?“ she asked snappy.  
“I...“ he tried to explain, to say something... but why should he not try to be honest?  
“I ...I was on the cliffs and... stopped her carriage.“  
“And were you happy about what you saw?“ She asked, voice full of sarcasm.  
  
“Of course not.“  
  
His face showed his painful memory to this moment. He was happy to see her once more, desperate to kiss and hold her, desperate to tell her he would find a way to be with her, only to know he had destroyed every hope of a life together. He wasn’t strong enough to show his heartbreak to Georgina. So he turned around and starred out of the window.

”You promised me, you wouldn’t hurt her! She was broken, she looked like ...burned inside, like the houses of your brother!“ She cried.  
“Georgina, please...“ he pleaded.  
“What?“  
“Don’t cry, nobody hast to hear...“  
“You passed her over for a wealthier woman. Even when you both weren’t engaged, it's the same this woman did to you.“  
“I know.“ He whispered.  
“How could you do such a terrible thing to her? Why did you have to .. Confuse her with... your cruel game?“ Her voice was rising again.  
“I..“  
“You told her some stupid things about your truest self... Is that you truest self? To hurt and destroy such a pure heart?“  
“I... I love her.“ A flash of surprise in Georgina’s eyes proved that she had not expected such honesty. And she couldn’t let it go.  
“You love her? A strange way to show.“ 

Miss Lambe could be very cruel with her words, he knew that, but at this moment he enjoyed the pain her words brought him. He hadn’t feel alive since Charlotte was gone, but now, he thought he could breath again.

”I never wanted to hurt her!“  
“But you did.“  
“Yes...“ he said with a silent voice “yes I did.“  
“Why? She trusted you!“  
“I did, what I had to do, to save my brother and his family.“ He explained.  
“You love your brother more than her?“ She asked confused.  
“No! I would always prefer her to him.“  
“You didn’t.“   
A long breath escaped him.  
“Mary, the children...“  
“You love them more as Charlotte?“  
“No, of course not!“ His hands drove frustrated through his hair. Stubborn girl.  
“I.. Was obliged..“ he began, but Georgina interrupted once again.  
“How could this... this Mrs Campion..“ She spat the words “force you to marry her instead of the woman you truly love?“  
“She blackmailed me.“  
“How?“  
“She knew.“  
“What did she know?“  
  
“Everything... about the fire, the non-existent insurance, Tom’s depts.“ He took a deep breath.  
“She knew, god knows how, about the 80.000 we need to keep him from debtor’s prison.“  
Sidney turned around, a shock was written on Georgiana’s face. He paced through the room, as he explained the whole story about Tom’s problems.  
  
“...Mrs Campion told me, she would give me the money when I marry her.“ He ended.  
“You said yes to this nice question, without looking for another solution?“ Georgina ask indignantly.  
“No..“ He answered with a tortured expression on his face. He looked tired.  
“Tell me the truth, once and for all!“ She pleaded.  
“I told her I can't do it,“ he stood still and looked at her with tears in his eyes, “She told me, if I don’t marry her, she would ruin.. Char...“ he couldn’t say her name, without a crack in his voice. “She would ruin her.“  
“How would she?“.   
Sidney had to clear his throat as he relived the most painful moment.  
“Charlotte went to London on her own. She was with me, all night. Alone.“  
“And?“  
“Georgina!“  
“That doesn’t matter when you would marry her.“ She was very  
stubborn.  
“She.. She also knew, that we... that we were in a.... boarding house...together... in… in the middle of the night.“ A guilty look in his eyes mirrored her own.  
“Mrs Campion is a very dreadful person.“ Georgiana had to admit it was more worse as she thought.  
“But there is something more, I suppose?“   
A small huff escaped him.  
“A letter for her parents was already prepared.“

  


Georgina buried her face in her hands, she couldn’t think straight. It was her fault, too. Had she not run away.  
“We have to find... I don’t know how, but you can’t marry this person.“  
“I know, but I have to. We have a contract.“   
Against her will she felt sorry for him.  
“Do you remember, what Charlotte said on Lady Dunham’s luncheon?“  
“That she only want to marry for true love and no wealth coming to it?“  
She smiled at him that was the only thing he could think of. Maybe he was still the person her father saw in him.  
“No. That a marriage without love is like.... slavery.“  
She took his hand to sooth him. Like a little boy and not like this big grown man he was. It was the first time, she felt something like sister like to him.  
“We have to think about your... your rescue of this cruel business arrangement.“

He looked at her with a small shake of his head. There is no way, he said in his mind. She understood.  
“Yes, we have to.“ She said vehemently. “You have to fix this mess.“

A loud knock on the door interrupted their talk and Mrs Griffith announced. “Miss Diana and Mr Arthur Parker,“ and at the same moment Arthur and Diana crushed into the room. Arthur breathless as ever and Diana with a confused gaze to Sidney.  
“You look very tired brother, what were you discussing?“ She looked between her brother and his ward with concern. Georgiana answered for him.

”About the future Mrs Parker.“   
Sidney gave her a piercing gaze and tried to smile at his siblings, it doesn’t work.  
“Ah Mrs Campion.“ Diana said with a strange tone in her voice.  
“She is very,.. very.. ahm.“ Arthur began, „she seams... healthy.“ He fell into one of the chairs. Hands in his lap.  
“Not healthier than other women.“ Georgina said sharply.  
  
  
Charlotte was always on his mind, but in this particular moment she stood in front of him at the river. Her hair flying in every direction, her white dress a sharp contrast to her very healthy and very beautiful tanned skin. Insecurity all over her face while she blinked into the sun. Her small hand in his larger one as she jumped into the boat. The warmth flowed through his body once again. Sidney closed his eyes and seemed miles away. 

”I don’t know her very well, yet, but I am very thankful for her... her...“ Diana trailed of.  
“What?“ Sidney asked as she stepped closer to him at the window.  
“I am very thankful for ....“ she continued hesitantly “to not be forced to visit one of my brothers in debtor’s prison.“ 

  
  


”Charlotte, what are you doing?“ Her mother asked, while she had forgotten to continue with her work.  
“Oh, I am sorry mother.“  
“Where you still in the seaside resort? What a pity you couldn’t stay any longer.“  
“This wouldn't change the thing I had to come home at some point.“ Charlotte answered with a smile which didn’t reach her eyes.  
“Maybe you’ll go there once again.“   
A painful sting through her heart let her look back on her needlework in her lap. But she said in a light voice,  
“Maybe one day.“ She smiled to show how fine she was.  
“But before that, you have to answer your friend to her invitation to London.“ Her mother considered. Oh, that was not good, Charlotte thought.  
“I can’t go, I just came back home.“  
“If you want, you can go. Here is nothing holding you back.“ Mrs Heywood patted the hand of her daughter.  
“You have to take advantages of the opportunities life offers you.“   
Charlotte forced to smile.  
“You can go now, and then you can be back at the Christmas Party.“  
“Maybe you are right.“ She said with a nod.  
“We Heywood’s are always right.“ Maybe not always, Charlotte thought and smiled on her own little joke.  
“Women I mean“ her mother whispered and they shared a loud laugh until Mr Heywood looked sceptically from his newspaper.

After their visit the Parker siblings walked trough town. Arthur waited till Diana was distracted and said with more serious voice.  
"That you can trust this woman again, I do not understand, but I dare say, that I see that you... you are not in love with her.“  
Confused Sidney looked up to his brother, who always seemed too far away from everything, but still knew everything. He decided to be honest again, so he answered:  
“No, I am not.“ 

Silence.  
  
  
Arthur nodded and before he went back to his sister’s side, he told him,

“Miss Heywood was really an adorable one.“


	4. a promising evening

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A promising evening showed more of Charlottes talents and ... Mrs. Campinon

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I really don't like Mrs. C., but I think... no one is truly ill-suited for feelings. Not even her.

Charlotte starred at the ceiling of her room. 

Two weeks. Two weeks since Alison and she arrived at Lady Susan’s home. Though they had a lot of distraction her mind always travelled back to him and the opportunities they did had. She knew it wasn’t proper to think of an engaged man in this way, but she couldn’t help herself. He was the one for her, she knew it, but they will never share a life together.  
  
Lady Susan said, there is still hope, because the wedding date still isn't set. What they knew was Mrs Campion wanted to marry at the end of the London season.  
"She will hold all her opportunities open,“ Lady Susan said "maybe she gets boring and pass him over again. We still can hope.“  
Her sister Alison, in all her romantic-naive way was still convinced, that Mr Parker loved her sister and would find a solution to find his way back to her. Charlotte wanted to believe, but tried to ignore it to protect herself from another heartbreak. She has to prepare herself for the most undesirable news she hoped never to get. She has to find a way to be happy.  
On her own. But what were her prospects? She couldn’t work like a man, couldn’t earn her own money or in any way recognition. And she will never ever marry for wealth or something less than true love. So she has to make the most of it, like her mother told her, take the opportunities life holds for you. And enjoy them.  
With a long sigh she rose from the bed and walked out of her room to meet Lady Susan and her sister in the drawing room.  
  
"Charlotte, my dear girl,“ Lady Susan greeted, "we have an invitation of a very good friend of mine. For dinner. Maybe we can play cards and we hear you play the piano.“  
"That sounds great, Lady Susan, we're looking forward to it, don’t we?“ cried Alison with enthusiasm. Lady Susan smiled at her and looked at Charlotte seriously.  
"We may meet some people, we won't meet.“  
Charlotte drew in a sharp breath.  
"But we are still able to meet in politeness. And you, young Miss,“ now she turned her attention to Alison, "hold your tongue with your comments. We don’t want to put Charlotte in harms way.“  
"Of course not, my Lady. I will be quiet all the time, and when I say to much, Charlie has the permission to put me in my place.“ She grinned to her sister.  
"I guess I can rely on you, Ally.“  
Charlotte answered with a smile. Her mind went wild in this moment, what she would say to him and to her? But maybe it would be the best way to not talk to him at all. Much more disturbing was what Mrs Campion could say to insult her again. As if she could read her thoughts, Lady Susan reassured her with this cryptically words, she always seemed to use, when it came to Mrs Campion.  
"There are other ways to show her her limits. Don’t worry, Charlotte. I know exactly how to strain her Achilles tendon further.“  
"How?“ llison asked curious.  
"Mrs C. enjoys being the centre of attention. She also likes the way to show the vulnerability of others. So I think we have a promising evening ahead.“  
With a conspiratorial smile to Allison she stood and left the girls with the words,  
"Go now and prepare yourself for every possibilities.“

They looked really pretty in their new gowns for the evening. With their hair pinned up in the newest fashionable way, everyone would think of them as being young woman of society. Everyone, except one.

  


"Oh, is this not Miss Hartwood?“ Eliza asked loud enough, so the whole guests of Lady Susan’s friends, Lord and Lady Churchill, could hear her.  
"You know her name.“  
The voice was this deep baritone of a certain gentleman entering the room behind her. His gaze found Charlottes, she blushed lightly and let her gaze fell on her sister.  
"Miss Heywood.“  
"Mr Parker.“ The Ladies curtsied. The Gentleman bowed.  
"Mrs Campion,“ Lady Susan greeted, "you know Miss Heywood from the regatta of Sanditon this year. And let me introduce her sister Miss Alison Heywood.“ Alison smiled plain at the woman and gave the love of her sister a nicer one.  
"Mrs Campion, Mr Parker.“  
She blushed like her sister, because she knew everything, about their history. Mrs Campion nodded with a disdainful smile to the younger woman and clawed her fingernails hurtful in Sidney forearm. He clenched his jaw and looked away.  
"How do you do?“ He asked turned to Charlotte, but before she could answer, the woman at his side interrupted.  
"How small the world is, that we see us here! I guess you stay with Lady Susan?“  
Once again she wasn’t interested in an answer. Sidney freed himself from her grip and excused himself, to meet some acquaintances. 

  


Sidney observed Charlotte from the distance, his heart pumped loudly and he couldn’t repress the smile on his lips. She looked different. Not only because the colour, she wore was new and somehow more mature. The expression on her face, she tried to hide her real feelings. Her look on her hands, her sister’s face, the floor. Never in his direction. He could see in her posture that she had to force herself to not do it.  
Although he loved it more to see her hair blowing in the wind, he found her particularly beautiful today. The light green of her fine dress gave her something mystical. She was very pale, probably due to the grief he caused her. A pain penetrated him at that thought. It exposed her graceful neck, with a fashionable up do. What would he give to stroke his fingers over the tender skin.  
He has to steady his breath and looked to her sister. Who was very similar to her, but so different. She was smaller, a little less fine in her facial features and by no means had the enchanting smile of Charlotte. At that thought, he was back in a whirlpool of emotions. Her shy smile on the balcony, the sweet one after Mr Stringer's accident. He shook his head. He should only think of her in his home. Not here, where he couldn't hide. No, he was not allowed to think of that, no! But he had no chance. The pictures came into his head at a speed, like lightning in a summer thunderstorm. The detached smile at the cricket, the insecure one in the sea of golden silk. Carefully on the boat.  
But the smile, which hit him the most and will haunt him forever in his dreams, was that one on the cliffs. Disarming everything. He thought at that moment his heart was about to explode 'cause of too much feelings.

  


While Mr Parker pondered his mind and looked over and over again to Charlotte, the Ladies stood in awkward silence. Lady Susan took the place next to Mrs Campion and told her, they would be in the delight to hear her incredible playing on the piano. Not unresponsive of this flattery, she answered a little to loud,  
"Of course my dear Lady Worchester, it will be my pleasure to play for you.“  
Everybody in the room, except a handful of the audience, was looking forward to her amazing talent. After a bit persuasion by one of the Ladies, the elegant Mrs Campion sat on the chair and began her play. Eliza was very good, she played a powerful piece of music. Loud applause filled the room and quickly a second piece was played, after a lot of persuasion of the hostess. Meanwhile Sidney tried to talk to Charlotte again.  
  
"How do you feel?“ He asked softly.  
"Quite well Mr Parker.“ She didn’t look at him.  
"Will it forever be like this?“ He asked with a little hurt in his voice. Sidney griped his glass so tight, the knuckles turned white.  
"I guess it has to be this way.“ She whispered. Both closed their eyes to swallow the pain.

  
  


The third piece was played without anyone explicit asking for, and the people in the room turned to their conversations instead of listening. Annoyed by the lost interest, Eliza turned her gaze to Sidney and found him next to Charlotte. She quickly came up with an idea, grinned her nasty smile and called loudly:  
"Oh Miss Hartwood, you should play for us!“  
A few conversations ebbed and for Charlotte it seemed, as everyone’s eyes lay on her. Sidney’s heart began to tremble in his chest, he couldn’t bear Eliza’s behaviour. He saw Charlotte in shock to be forced to play for this party. He didn’t even know if she could play and how good she was. But he was stopped to rush to help. Not only by the rules of the social life, also by the knowing smile of Lady Worchester.  
"Oh.“ Charlotte blushed.  
How beautiful she was, he thought.  
"I don’t think you really want to listen to....“ she began, but was interrupted, of course.  
"Come on, do not play modest.“ Eliza said silkily.  
With a sigh Charlotte went to the piano, adjusted the chair and ignored the music sheens. Eliza giggled. "You can’t read notes?“ She didn’t wait for an answer as always. One more deep breath, a short closing of her eyes and Charlotte began to play.

  


At the beginning it was a small, almost a shy little melody. Slowly, tone by tone. But then it became stronger. Louder. Faster. You could almost call it wild. Sidney smiled his first honest smile in months and couldn't take his eyes off her. Just like all the other listeners. Alison registered the look and placed herself in front of him, so that if Charlotte dared to look at him, for observers it would simply be a look to her sister. Astonishment and surprise scurried over Mrs Campion’s face.  
She followed Charlotte's gaze, which she now lifted off the keys. Of course she looked at him. And he looked at her as if they were alone in the room. Fortunately no one saw this humiliation, thought Eliza. Because all eyes were on Charlotte.  
Through her slightly blushed cheeks her doe eyes were shining. She looked very beautiful. Even Eliza had to admit that. A blossoming little rose early in the morning, while her own strong colour seemed to fade.  
She knew why Sidney had fallen for her. It was not just her slightly wild appearance, but also above all her intelligence and hidden talents. There was always something new to discover about her. Eliza eyed Sidney again and realized that he had never looked at her that way. With adoration and awe.  
In those days of their youth, it had at least been the gaze of love and pure desire of life. But even that she would never get from him again. She could force him to be her husband. Punish him because he loved another, but she would never get that look from him. When he looked at her, then with indifference or disgust.

The piano fell silent and the applause was, if not louder, yet more enthusiastic. Charlotte smiled shyly and rose immediately to go back to Lady Susan, who praised her for her play. Even the French Lord, who also was a guest, had to praise her excellent talent. In French, of course. And just as Eliza was about to start translating for Charlotte, to embarrassing her - the young woman answered straight away. Even without an accent in a perfectly blameless French.  


"I didn’t know you girls from the country were learning French. What's that good for? To talk to the cows?“  
A laugher escaped her, but none of her companions joined in. Sidney gave her a hateful look. She tried again and said playfully to Charlotte.  
"Who are you trying to impress?"  
"No one." Charlotte replied calmly.  
"Force a rich Frenchman to fall for you?"  
"Oh God, no!“ She cried out. "Compulsion is not my way.“  
Sidney smirked, how he loved her sharp mind. And her.  
Lady Susan involved the French Lord in a conversation and turned away with him from the rest of the group.  
"So, French. Hmm, that we still have something in common surprises me.“  
"Oh Mrs Campion,“ Charlotte said with a smile ”as we have discussed before, I am a farmer's daughter who reads books. There is really nothing we have in common.“

  


Eliza's face froze, but before she could say anything she might regret, she turned to Sidney and grabbed his arm. He clenched his jaw, his face in a strange look of agony, gaze turned in the distance.  
  
He was back in reality.  
  
When they finally turned to other acquaintances, he kept as much distance from her as possible.  
The rest of the evening went by without a hitch. Apart from the secret looks of a lady and a certain gentleman across the room.


	5. business matters

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Charlotte and Sidney have a lot on their minds and have to decide a few things for the future.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I see Charlotte as a strong and independent woman. So hope you like the idea...
> 
> You can also leave comments there ;-)

Charlotte sat on the bench under the window in her room and thought about her life. In a few days her sister and she would go back to Willingden and would stay there, perhaps forever, except a few visits to Lady Susan or perhaps one day even Sanditon. She had always believed to marry for love, and her husband would support her and her wishes. But there was no much room for such thoughts. The only love she knew was soon married and in a lifelong prison with a woman he didn’t love. And she was forced to go back to her own little life in Willingden, where nothing ever happens. 

The thought of what she would do if she could do what she wanted, was perfect to distract her thinking of Mr Parker.  
Would she be a farmer like her Father, an architect like Tom or rather a Doctor to help people? Her talent was knowledge, she guessed. Everything that was written in a book she could learn. Mathematics, philosophy, history or geography.

Countries, she knew a lot about, but would never be able to travel there. Her greatest adventure in her life was bound to the Parkers. Sanditon, London. With him. He would have brought her there, she thought. Sidney would have shown her the world. He was open and supported the (unfortunately not widespread) opinion that woman were able to do everything men did. His disdainful opinion about her sex lied solely in matters of the heart. 

Back again: it had been a blessing to assist Tom and look Mr Stringer over his shoulder. Thinking of Mr Stringer, there was some tension between him and Ally, the few times they had met. Not in the angry or passionate way – like hers with Sidney, more in the teasing way. Although she liked James Stringer, she was worried about her sister. Ally was even more romantic and was already thinking about marriage, so the young man could break her heart in a blink of an eye.  
But Charlotte forced her mind again to stay on the topic. What would she be, when she would be able to exercise a profession? Most probably she would be a businessman. In different lines of business and the possibility to travel. A lot of travel, she thought with a smile.

  


  


Sidney was on the ride to his next important business appointment as his mind traveled back to the first of these special business meetings he had since the summer. He remembered the talk to Lady Denham, before his travel back to town.  
"Oh Mr Parker. You don’t look like a happy engaged one.“ She said instead of a greeting.  
"Why is that?“ She asked in her annoying art.  
'Because I am engaged to the wrong woman' He thought, but didn’t say anything. The Lady continued.  
"Now we will never know.“  
"What do you mean, Lady Denham?“  
"Weather little Miss Heywood will only marry for love. Ha!“ She laughed.  
"Either she'll stay unmarried in her little village or ...well..." she sat down. "When you will have the opportunity to marry her in maybe 10 or 15 years, than you would be very, very rich.“   
He gritted his teeth.  
"And you wouldn't be the pretty guy she fell for.“ She grinned, the old witch. Unaffected he looked at her and said with his most serious business voice  
"That is what I want to talk about.“ Lady D. seemed surprised.  
"Lady Babbington, had assumed, that you have a few... ideas at this topic.“  
"Go on.“ She seemed interested.  
"I rather would find an other solution, as the one I was obliged to.“ She was all ears.  
"Oh, of course, - I would have a few suggestions.“

Sidney laughed into himself. Lady Denham was sly, but in a good way. In this moment he arrived at his solicitors place. To finalize his plan.

Alison came into Charlottes room without knocking and throw herself on the bed.  
"Good morning to you too.“ Charlotte said with a smirk.  
"Oh. I am so, so.. overwhelmed with..“  
"Oh no, please not!“ the older one cried, she was worried about her sister.  
"I am certain, he still loves you. And I am overwhelmed with feelings for you two. You seemed so... I don’t know, unfeeling.“  
"Ally, I only want to protect myself. You know he has to marry in spring, and I... I don’t hope. Not anymore. There is no other way, than to try to move on. Somehow.“  
"Move on from the love of your life?“ Alison sat up, "you can not be serious!“ She almost wept.  
"What do you not understand?“ Charlotte got angry with her sister. "He has to marry another!“  
"Yes I got that, but you both are in love. So much. I’ve seen how he looked at you at the dinner. He was beaming. The pride in his eyes, while you played. There were sparks flying between you two.“  
  
Charlotte closed her eyes as the memory came back in her mind at this evening. She felt his every single look in her direction. Once he stood behind her, even at a proper distance, his warmth was like an embrace. A shiver run through her and goose bumps were all over her body. She knew he saw her blushing. As he walked past her, he brushed her arm lightly, and her breathing became faster. They shared one long gaze after he was safely on the other side of the room. Her stomach cramped and when the tears came back into her eyes she turned away. A cold feeling in her belly flowed through her now as she recalled that it was a lost game. There was no turning back.  
"Charlie!“ Alison scrambled of the bed and run to her sisters side.  
"I am so sorry, I didn’t want to make you cry. I only think that you maybe could fight for him.“  
"How could I?“ Charlotte sobbed.  
"I don’t know.“ Alison took her in her arms "but before, you were full of... optimism.“ She whispered, while she stroke her sister's back.  
"Well,.. I...“ she stuttered "I didn't know love then.“

  


In the afternoon the sisters met Mr Stringer, who was trying to show them the infamous architecture of London. And so they walked along the beautiful buildings of the city. After Charlotte was lost in her own thoughts, Mr Stringer began to tell Alison of his continuing education. She listened and tried to show interest, although she was quite distracted by his beautiful eyes. As they stood, Charlotte almost run into them.  
"Oh, I am sorry.“ She said quickly.  
"How are you Miss Heywood?“  
He asked with concern. Her mask was back on and she smiled up on him.  
"I am very well. Thank you.“  
He didn’t seemed to believe it, but before he could ask further, she added.  
"How are you Mr Stringer? Hope everything is going well?“  
Her smile didn’t reach her eyes. He nodded and explained that he was well and that he hoped to go back to Sanditon in spring. Charlotte flinched.  
"That’s sounds great.“  
Before she would have asked what his plans for the town were or what Mr Parker said about his plans. But she wasn’t the Miss Heywood he had a crush on the last summer. She was only a shadow of herself. With high-necked dresses, the up do and the fake smile on her pale face. He clenched his fists. Oh he would like to beat someone for that. A certain someone. He didn't understand what happened back in Sanditon. Mr Sidney Parker was actually a nice guy, a bit grumpy, but he would rather do business with him than with his chaotic brother. He also was funny, sometimes. He had shouted at her on the middle of the street. They seemed incompatibly. At the mid summer ball she was sure she would stay in Sanditon for longer, but after the season she went home. Broken. Because Mr Parker was engaged to another. He felt sorry for Charlotte. She still had to nibble on her broken heart.  
"Thank you Mr Stringer to taking us back to Lady Susan’s’“ the other Miss Heywood interrupted, "maybe we can go for a walk again?“ She asked incredibly blushing. Sweet. Innocent.  
"It would be my pleasure." He answered.  
After their goodbyes, the two young women went into the hall of Lady Susan’s home and were surprised to see Lady Worcester already waiting for them.  
"My dear girls, how were your walk with Mr Stringer?“ She asked friendly.  
"Oh it was great, he..“ Alison explained everything to the smirking Lady and Charlotte excused herself to her room.

  


Meanwhile, Sidney was on his way to his most difficult bussiness partner. He was prepared for it to be a long and nasty conversation. But he had thought of everything, all papers were prepared. He just had to stick to the plan and made it look like it was the best decision. Luckily, he already had Mary on his side. And Arthur knew too. Not everything, of course, but what they needed to know. The rest was his concern.

After a little eternity, Alison stormed back into Charlottes room and told her that Lady Susan was waiting for her in the salon to discuss something important with her. Alison, on the other hand, was allowed to refine her piano skills in the music room.

  


"Close the door please, so we get not disturbed here.“ Susan said, as Charlotte entered the drawing room. She closed the door and looked questionably to her friend.  
"We have a delicate business to discuss and I don’t want that the servants will overhear it.“  
"What kind of business?“ Charlotte asked hesitantly. The sight of Sidney entered her mind.  
"Not this kind of business. Real business.“  
Frowning she sat on the chair across the Lady.  
  
"I have to make you an offer, or two.“ Susan told her mysteriously.  
"Alright, I am here.“  
"The offer demands you to stay here in London. As my guest of course.“  
"But we have to be at home at Christmas Eve.“  
"I know, after that you’ll come back and stay with me for a few more weeks.“  
"I would love to, but....“ Charlotte began.  
"Listen to me my dear girl.“  
Charlotte nodded at her friend.  
"The second offer is the real business, I talked about“, Lady Susan looked Charlotte into the eyes firmly.  
"A... friend of mine is looking for an assistant for his business, while he is on...vacation.“  
Charlottes heart began to race.  
"And he trusts me to find the right person for this issue.“  
"Oh?“  
"Yes.“  
"What kind of business?“ She asked, full of expectations to got an offer as a governess.  
"Paperwork for his company.“  
"Oh.“ Charlottes eyes widened in surprise and shock, how can that be? "What do I have to do?“  
"Receive and send business letters, take care for the payments, money transfers, this kind of work.“  
  
Charlotte couldn’t believe what she was listening.  
"You have access to his accounts and earn your own money.“  
"What...?“ Now she was near to faint.  
"The only problem is..“ Susan paused.  
"What problem?“  
"You are a woman. And even if this man agrees with us, that gender isn't important in business, he thinks his business partners will have some problems with that fact.“  
"Oh..“ It seemed Charlotte had lost the ability about the English language. She took a sip of the lemonade, which Lady Susan offered her.  
"It has to be a secret.“ Of course.  
Charlotte nodded.  
"What's the name Miss Alison calls you?“  
"Charlie.“  
"Why is that?“  
"Because sometimes I am not behaving like a woman.“  
"Than that suits you very well.“  
The younger woman blinked curious.  
"What do you mean?“  
"Your name on the papers you will sign in his name will be Charlie Heywood.“  
"Oh!“  
Charlotte with breathless and asked "What’s the gentleman’s name?“  
"That doesn’t matter yet.“  
"But I want to thank him!“  
"So you take it?“  
"Of course!“ Charlotte cried with tears in her eyes "Please tell me when I can met him.“  
She rose and paced through the room. A big smile plastered on her face, which reached her eyes.  
"Why?“ The Lady asked.  
"Because, I guess... I am so, so happy – I guess I will marry him! Immediately!“  
Charlotte laughed and almost danced through the room, she couldn’t believe that this was really happening. Working. And earn her own money! As a woman!

  


"Oh, I guess you will!“ Susan whispered with her knowing smile.


	6. in the park

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> An exciting day is not over yet ...

After the exiting news she got and the exhausted happiness she felt, Susan talked her into a walk in the garden. Although you could hardly call it a garden, it was almost a park on itself. Through a large gate at the end of the circular route it went in a general public one. Alison and Susan accompanied her, till Lady Susan was too tired and wanted to go back.  
"Don’t walk to far Charlotte, or you surely will be to tired for your last ball this evening.“ Lady Susan said, before she turned in the direction back to the house. Alison, not a big friend of walking went back with her.  
"I'm just going to sit by the little pond for a while.“ She cried over her shoulder and walked to the gate.  
As she arrived at the pond, she sat down on a bench and starred focus less to the glittering surface. Her head deep in thoughts of the conversation she had with Lady Susan earlier, a light smile tucked on her lips the warm autumn sun dazzled her a little. And she closed her eyes a moment and enjoyed the warmth on her face. 

Suddenly she had the feeling of being watched and opened her eyes again. Searching the shore with her eyes, she stood up and turned to walk when she saw him. Her breath stopped. Stiff as a stick they stood there staring at each other. A bird screeched and brought her back to gather herself. She nodded to him in greeting and turned to walk. 

Sidney wasn't expecting to see her here. When their eyes met, this pain of loss stung again, he was almost unable to breathe. When she turned around without smiling, he knew he couldn't let her go. His long steps almost caught up with her, though she wasn't exactly walking slowly.

"Miss Heywood."   
She walked on. He now ran after her.  
"Wait, wait, wait."   
But she didn't listen. Her shoulders were tense, her steps almost a run. Although he only saw her from behind, he thought she was crying because she stroke her face a few times.  
  
"Charlotte."   
She stopped so suddenly that he almost would have run into her if he had been closer. Two more steps and he could touch her. Silence. None of them spoke. They were standing in a densely overgrown part of the park. Protected by curious glances. Only the rustling of the leaves above them could be heard, and they felt as if they were finally alone again. Charlotte could not bear a too long silence in former times and was always the first to speak in such a situation. But she had changed. She remained silent. A quiet sob she still could not suppress and his maltreated heart could no longer bear it. He took another step towards her.  
"Charlotte.“  
"Mr Parker.“  
"Please look at me,“ he begged.  
He walked around her, standing in front of her to look into her face. She tried to evade his gaze, but could not resist it. But what he found wasn’t was he thought he would find. Charlotte was mad. The anger written all over her face, he was taken aback.  
"What happened?“ He asked.  
"What happened?“ She asked back with a frowned brow.   
He felt himself back in the street situation when Georgiana had secretly met Otis.  
"You are angry.“  
"Of course I am.“ She grumbled.   
Questioningly he looked at her.  
"For the first time in weeks, rather months, my head is not filled with your picture. My heart finally has a little rest and then you suddenly stand in front of me.“   
She rambled in a rush. Cheeks blushed, heart was beating fast, hands shaking. Suddenly her eyes filled with tears. She looked away.  
"I am sorry.“ He finally said. "I was surprised to see you here and I ... I couldn't let you go."  
"But you have to let me go.“  
He handed her his handkerchief.  
"I can’t.“  
"Why?“ a tearful whisper.  
"You know why.“  
She shook her head in disbelieve.  
"I love you.“  
It was barely audible. A small sob filled the silence, as she put her hand too cover her mouth.  
"Charlotte.“ He reached out to her, but she stepped back.  
"No!“ She raised her voice a little. "There is no us!“  
Now she looked to him with a fire in her eyes, "And there never will be.“   
He looked hurt.  
"Char...“  
"If you forgot, Mr Parker, you’ll getting married soon.“   
He reached for her again. "To another.“ she cried.  
"But..“ he tried again.  
"You have to let me go.“ And with this, she turned and run as fast as she could.

The gowns of the sisters Heywood were new and emphasized their beauty extraordinarily. What showed one of the sisters in a bad mood in her posture and in her fake smile, made up the other one with her enthusiastic one. As soon as they had arrived and had made a round through the hall, they saw the Parkers enter the room.  
Luckily Sidney was not there, thought Charlotte, but she greeted Mary and Tom gently but withhold. Her anger had also been transmitted to the two of them. After all, it was Tom's fault that she and Sidney could not be together. At least Marry could have shown more compassion.  
Tom, of course, is not aware of this and immediately talking about his latest plans for Sanditon. Charlotte tried to listen to him, but could barely notice, for she was afraid that a certain gentleman would enter the room. Mary asked her if she was alright. Of course she answered with the lie she had perfected over the months. 

"Very well, thank you.” Even though she forgot to ask Mary in return.  
"He will not come,“ Mary said, Charlotte's gaze drifted again.  
"I beg you pardon?“  
"Sidney,“ she said with a sympathetic smile.  
“Oh.” Charlotte blushed.  
“He is heading back to Sanditon with Lord Babbington, and..”   
But Charlotte did not listen to her anymore. She was suddenly a little dizzy and the beeping in her ears prevented her from thinking clearly.  
"Oh Charlotte, you're very pale, are you not feeling well?" Mary asked seriously worried.  
"I am well, I just need some fresh air. Excuse me.“   
With that she went without looking back, to the next room with a window to clear her mind. Had she done that? Did he go because of her? That was good. They should not see each other again, it was too painful. But she wished to see him again. One last smile, which she could burry in her heart forever. Charlotte thought of his declaration of love and suddenly had problems to get air.

After a while Alison came to her and took her back to the ball. 

“Miss Hartwood.” The voice that she did not expect to hear, at least not today, and the accompanying lady approached them.  
“Mrs Campion,” they curtsied and turned to went further to the room.  
“May I ask…” the older one began, before they get interrupted by a slimy voice, by that Charlotte thought, she would never hear again.  
“Miss Heywood, what a surprise to see you here!” She froze and the tall, slender figure approached them.  
“In what an extraordinary elegant company you are!”   
He locked his gaze with Mrs Campion. Bowed very deep, took the Ladies hand in his and smiled up to her. Charlotte didn’t trust her eyes, was Mrs Campion blushing? Alison asked in a barely audible whisper.

"Who is this?“

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please leave comments, if you like it.


	7. let them suffer

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sidney and Charlotte are traveling home and have some work to do.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope it is not too confused

As the carriage reached the cliff tops, Sidney took in a shaky breath.  
"What is wrong?“ Babbington asked.  
"Always when I cross this area it hits me again. The day I’ve lost her.“  
"But you’ll get her back!“ His friend told him with a convincing voice.  
  
Sidney looked unsure out of the window and remind silent. His gaze seemed miles away.  
They took the direction to Lady Denham, and a wave of anticipation flooded him.

The Lady awaited them and came straight to the point.  
"So, I guess your brother stays in London?“  
"Yes he is.“ Sidney answered with a smile.  
"He wasn’t very pleased, I suppose.“  
"No, he wasn’t.“   
The Lady began to laugh. Really laugh. The gentlemen couldn’t resist to share a smile.  
"So in this, you carry all the contracts?" She pointed to his bag.  
"Yes.“  
"So than get to work!“ She determined.  
Babbington and Sidney complied, the sooner they worked it out, the sooner they could ride back to their loves. Well, one to the woman he loves, and Sidney to the chaos he still had to work out.

Georgiana was glad to see Sidney, she would love to go back to London with him, after Diana and Arthur would come back to London, too. But first she would visit Charlotte at her home over Christmas.  
After he walked alone to the shore, deep in thoughts again, Georgina approached him with a happy face.  


"I received a letter from Charlotte this morning,“ his face flinched at her name,"she is back home in Willingden. So you can drop me there, tomorrow.“ Georgina told him with a glow in her eyes.

"Oh, that.. No. I cannot go.. I mean, I shouldn’t ..“ he stammered.  
"You just take me there.“   
A unreadable expression on his face.  
"We cannot, I mean..“  
"Sidney! That would be, maybe the last time you’ll see her!“  
"I can’t. She will not want to see me.“  
"We do not always get, what we want.“   
His ward told him dryly, but with a light smirk in her eyes.  
"And besides, maybe you don’t even get to see her.“

"Well then.“   
Shaking his head with a huff, he looked out to the sea and couldn’t believe, what he was up to do. He was confused by the idea to see her again, so soon.

  


Eliza took a sip of her tea and with the thought of the ball last week, she let her memory wander to other balls. The few that she had visited in her youth, always to have a willing dance partner in Sidney. He wasn't very good at it, but since they made such a beautiful couple, they were always the focus of all conversations. But at some point she was extremely bored. He was a devoted idiot, pretty to look at, but too honest for Eliza’s taste. She wanted more excitement, a man who could offer her something. One who had experience, not only in life, but also in other things. That's why she had broken off her engagement to Sidney.  
And although a 28 years older husband let it be expected, she was extremely satisfied, when he finally died, after 10 years of marriage.

She had heard rumours about Sidney and his wealthy ward. She was able to hire someone to monitor him, and was taken aback when she heard he was accompanied by a young lady in the middle oft he night. But Sidney was still unmarried.  
With this she went to the masked ball, full of expectations to win him back. The idea of watching him without his knowing until she would reveal herself was intoxicating. She saw him, seeming to be very much in love when he danced with this sweet little girl. Although Eliza had to admit, that she looked grown up that evening. But she still seemed inexperienced. The feelings written on their faces had to be fresh. A good opportunity to get him back.

Eliza laughed at the memory of how taken aback he seemed, and pour another cup of tea. Eliza had to give him credit for coming over to her. She couldn't have done that in his place. The rest of the evening went exactly as she wanted. He seemed a bit confused, but she managed to involve him in conversations, so that he didn't saw the pretty girl looking in their direction. She was sure, it was done.

But it wasn’t done so easily.

The little, well-placed insults to Miss Heywood showed her two things very clearly. First, they were head over heels in love. Second, they both had no idea if their feelings were being returned.  
Only after the regatta, he was very clear with his words. 

"Eliza. I didn't love you anymore for a long time. I moved on.“

She couldn't hold back the jealousy. 

"With this little girl?" 

He rolled his eyes, opened his mouth to say something, but thought of something better.  


"Miss Heywood had nothing to do with it."  
"No?“  
"No, I am only no longer the same person.“

After all she had observed in the two of them, she never thought he would wait any longer with an engagement. They seemed very close. That hurt and she wanted to see them suffer for it, at every opportunity.

In the end, she still got what she wanted. Thank you Tom Parker. Everything went according to plan until she had seen them at the wedding. Although they seemed broken and far enough apart, she felt like she was watching something very intimate. It was the same feeling she had the last few weeks, on their meetings with her here in London. 

  


When Miss Lambe and Mr Sidney Parker arrived at the Heywood’s farm, Charlotte wasn’t there. One of her sisters told them, she was hunting. The Heywood’s invited them in to wait till she came in. Her face was all red from the cold air outside. Mud all over her dress, hair loose and a few little branches in it. Sidney couldn’t believe that it was possible to fall in love with her even more. She was breath taking. Hugging Georgiana, her eyes met his, and her smile vanished.  


"Mr Parker.“  
"Miss Heywood.“   
He couldn’t stop smiling at her like the smitten foul he was. She brandished her rifle in one hand until it pointed straight at him.  
"Charlie, be careful with it!" Her mother said and took the rifle from her.  
"We do not want to shot our guests."

Charlotte tilted her head and looked in Sidney's eyes as if she needed to reconsider this idea.  
“Yes,.. err.. well. I have to go now.”  
“Do you not stay for dinner?”

Mrs Heywood asked him friendly, Charlotte and him shared a no, which caused her mother to look to her daughter. She blushed and lowered her gaze. After clearing his throat, Sidney said, he would be expected in London. A painful expression twitched over Charlottes face, and their eyes meet again. Georgiana had to suppress a laugh.  


“What a pity, maybe next time.” Mrs Heywood considered her daughter with a raised eyebrow.  
“You can accompany Mr Parker outside.”  
She told her with a thoughtful smile. Taken aback Charlotte opened her mouth to say something, as her mother cut in.  
“You should clean your shoes as well.”  
After his goodbyes to Georgiana and the Heywood’s, Sidney stepped outside and they went to his waiting carriage.  
“Charlie, huh?”  
This smile would be the dead of me she thought, as he looked down to her.  
“Yes, ah..well.” She lowered her head.

He reached out to remove a small branch from her hair, as she raised it again and his hand stilled on her cheek for a blink of an eye. They sucked in the air, eyes widen at this unexpected contact. Sidney stroked her cheek tenderly, before they both took a step back. Her face burned, his fingers tickled. No more gaze, as he got into the carriage. Confused they parted once again and Charlotte couldn’t help thinking, it felt like a long-time goodbye.  
But even hours later, his face lit up by a smile at the memory of this little instant. And her cheeks were burning in the very same moment.

  


As he arrived back in London, he went straight to the last of his appointments. He was curious to see how it would go and if he had to play his last card, to get what he wanted. 

  


Eliza Campion wondered how she could make Sidney suffer. Repeatedly he had told her, he could never be the husband she wished for, because he would always think of someone else. That he loved someone else. Even when she didn’t love him either, she couldn’t let him go, without punishing him even further for that. Although he was a clever businessman and she also wanted get rid of him, it had to be under her conditions. So all would win, but she could still make life difficult for them.

With a title and her money, all doors were really open for her revenge. 

But that he'd go that far however, to become the husband of little Miss Heywood, she really never would have thought!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Do you need detailed explanations of what Sidney plans are?


	8. dreams

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> They both share a dream, even though it doesn't mean the same thing to both of them.
> 
> A little bit of angst.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for all the Kudos.  
You also can left comments ;-)

Georgiana was running through the forest. The hem of her dress full of dirt and mud, her shoes and socks were wet and made her freezing. Her hands were red from the cold wind. Breathing fast, heart was trembling, her throat was burning of the freezing air. She stopped running and hid behind a big tree. She looked, and saw something red near her. That gave her the strength to continue running. As she passed short bushes, she let herself fall and hid there. She peered through the sparse branches and let out a breath of relief.

"Caught!" Someone yelled behind her and three of the Heywood sprouts grabbed her.  
"Oh no!“ She cried and laughed. She laughed so much that her ribs were hurting and her tears ran down her cheeks. Betty, one of the smaller ones threw herself in her arms and they both fell on the cold muddy ground again.

"Ahh!"   
Cold, cold, cold! Georgiana thought but stayed lying and tried to tickle Betty away. Charlotte had never experienced her friend so cheerful and happy. And although she enjoyed the sight, she didn't want to endanger her health and intervened.

"I'm sorry, but we should go home now. Mother is expecting our help in the kitchen.“   
The little ones moaned and Georgiana also made room for her displeasure. Charlotte laughed heartily, she too had rediscovered laughing here.  
"Come on, we don't want Georgie to get sick," and inclined towards her friend, she continued, "a hot bath and hot tea are already waiting for you.“  
"You are an angel." Georgiana whispered.  
"I know." Said Charlotte in playful conceited manner.

  


Later, when they were in bed, Georgiana told her about the distant Antigua and that she never thought she could ever would laugh again. The separation from Otis had also been hard for her, although she still hoped to marry him one day. She knew that he was to blame for her kidnapping, but still believed that he was never after her fortune.  
"I haven't given up on Otis, and I firmly believe he'll come back to me."  
Now Charlotte smiled sadly.  
"Yes, I hope so for you, too.“

Seriously Georgiana looked at her friend as she thought about to say what was burning on her soul.  
"What's the matter?" Charlotte asked anxiously.  
"Nothing, I just thought...well, how are you?"  
"Good. I'm having a dream about the warm Antigua right now, while you're teasing me with your cold feet." She answered lightly.  
"I don't mean that."  
Charlotte became serious.  
"I know," she wiped a curls off her face, "but I don't know, how I am."  
"What do you mean?“  
Georgiana asked and looked at her friend with compassion.  
Charlotte quietly told her what had happened in London the last few weeks. At least the case with Sidney and Mrs Campion. She concealed the work offer of a gentleman, as Lady Susan said it would must remain a secret.

Even though Georgiana had her reservations about Sidney, she understood one thing quite well. The lovesickness of the two. As a tortured expression overshadowed Charlotte's face, they changed the topic and once again Georgiana told her from Antigua, this far away dream, she could only imagine. They tried to get some sleep then. Georgiana was so exhausted after all the fresh air and physical activity that she fell asleep immediately.  
Charlotte, on the other hand, thought long and hard about what her friend had told her. She tried in vain to drive away the thought of him and Mrs Campion by thinking of Antigua. And imagined the things Georgiana had described to her. She fell asleep over it, but the warm colours that just whirling around in her head became increasingly colourless. Nature faded before her eyes and became brighter and brighter. As if she were standing on a field full of snow. Slowly she drifted deeper and deeper into her dream.

  


She walked slowly across the snow-covered field behind her father's house. It was cold and she cuddled herself deeper into her coat. Suddenly she stood by the small pond in the park again. Only this time it was frozen and glittering in the sun. Charlotte looked around searchingly, hoping to discover Sidney on the opposite shore. But the place was empty. She turned around and walked now along the water edge in Sanditon, she headed for the cove. These time not only his but also a lady's clothes lay on the stones. Too shocked at what that meant, she turned around and ran away.

Back on the field, the snow under her feet became paper. Lots of letters and business papers. Bills and letters from God knew whom. Panic made her heart race. A gust of wind made the papers and snowflakes dance in the air and she tried to catch them. As she ran across the field to catch the papers, she found herself on the cliffs again.  
In order not to fall down, she turned and was pressed into a solid chest. It was Sidney. They stood as close as they did after their kiss. He said something, but she couldn't understand him, she listened with great effort and suddenly...

  


"Snow!“  
Georgina shouted in her ear.  
"Charlotte wake up, it's snowing! Good God, I have to threw myself in it. Snow, snow. I can't believe it. Charlotte it’s snowing!"  
Georgiana was already running out of the room, still in her nightgown and only a blanket around her shoulders. Charlotte slowly wake up and looked out of the window in disbelief.  
She had dreamed of snow. And now it was snowing. Maybe that would mean that the rest of her dream would come true as well? For Charlotte it meant that Sidney would climb into the waves with his wife and the memory of her kiss would slowly fade. His feelings for her would freeze. But she will have something to distract her of her heart wrench, a lot of work!

She looked out of the window and couldn’t supress the smile that filled her face, as she saw Georgina run over the field in awe. She was dancing and tried to catch the snowflakes. Betty and a few of the other little ones companied her. Betty looked up to her friend and both were laughing and screaming. Shaking her head in empathy, she stood up, clothed on and run outside to meet the party.

  


Back at Bedford Place, Sidney woke up in the early morning, because he was freezing cold. He remembered the dream he had had and a warmth filled again his body.  
First everything was green and colourful and warm. Suddenly there was snow everywhere, he was looking for Charlotte, he found her on the cliffs, and it looked as if she was almost thrown down by the wind. He pulled her to him and kissed her passionately. They were together at the cove, he had undressed her and lead her in the water to teach her how to swim. At least in the beginning. The feeling of her in his arms, surrounded by the heavy waves and the salty ocean breathe. Hair on her blushing cheeks, her breast against his chest, her arms around his neck, her smile. He would hold her forever this way, but suddenly they were on the cliff tops, she seemed miles away, although she was standing right in front of him. He looked down and he was standing on a snowed field with bare feet.  
Suddenly papers and snow whirled around and Charlotte turned to catch them. He helped her to get all the work done. 

  


Sidney stood up, and after a while went to the window. The first snowflakes of the winter flied around, and he smiled at the idea it was Georgiana’s first snow. How much he wanted to see her reaction to it. 

He thought about the dream, a smile on his face and for the first time, since this nightmare started, he wasn’t afraid of the future.  
He was looking forward to it.


	9. new Year - new Life

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> For Charlotte and Sidney the New Year's night is quite different...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope that I solved the mystery of Sidney's plan a bit ...

The mood in the house on Bedford Place was tense.  
Since their last conversation, the brothers Tom and Sidney spoke as little as possible and largely avoided each other. The older one still resented Sidney for making changes in Sanditon's business without talking to him first. Lady Denham gave him another chance, but only because Sidney and Lord Babbington took responsibility for the finances. Once a month there was to be a meeting where the three gentlemen would provide information to the Lady. Not only about how the expansion proceeded, but also about the financial situation and which ideas would help to make Sanditon more attractive. Although Tom understood that these measures were all necessary after he had miscalculated and bogged down and almost ruined the family, he was still offended. 

It seemed to him as if he was a scolded schoolboy who had to give information about everything, the only thing missing was that Mary controlled his private expenses!  
What she did, without his knowing, to be honest.  
Mr Tom Parker was both a visionary and a proud man, often he felt like he was just the second born next to Sidney. Sidney took responsibility. To serve his family, he put his own happiness on the back burner, no matter how painful it was for him.

"Come with us to the New Year's Ball" He said more enthusiastically than he felt and hoped to enjoy at least for one evening again the affection of his brother.  
Tom drew his wife to him, hoping that she would stand by him and persuade Sidney if necessary.

"I can't do that." Sidney moaned.  
"Oh come on, you're going with us!" Tom cried energetically. His brother twisted his eyes and looked at Mary who nodded only slightly to suggest that he could continue to enlighten her husband.  
"Tom, Eliza will be there."  
"So what?"  
"I... and she... we... uh..."  
"Did you fight?"  
"You could call it that." And than he walked out of the room, Mary followed and asked quietly.  
"Does she know?“  
"Yes, she knows everything.“

  
  


Georgiana and Charlotte enjoyed themselves while they were getting ready for the New Years Ball. It was exciting, although it was only in the assembly room of Willingden and not London. But Georgiana enjoyed it a most to do the hair of Charlotte and Alison, who also was allowed do go to the ball. She tried her best to do the up does in the newest fashionable way, but Alison’s hair was more straight, and so it was easier as with Charlottes curlier ones.  
They were laughing and giggling all the time during their dressing till Mrs Heywood joined them. She sat down on one of the beds with a solemn expression on her face. A brown box in hand she talked to them to be silent for a moment. She gave the box to Georgiana and smiled nicely. Georgiana was stunned to get a present and opened the box. She found a small cross on a thin band of beige-coloured mousseline, which looked similar to Charlottes and Alison’s. Tears glittered in her eyes as she looked at Charlotte's mother speechless.  
  
"We thought,... you are so close to Charlie, we see you as a part of the family...“.  
"Thank you!“ Georgiana interrupted her in a whisper and embraced Mrs Heywood, incapable of saying any more.

Proud of her gift Georgina hold her head high, without seeming conceited or arrogant. She was happy and laughed with the Heywood girls the whole evening. Some of the village boys were getting to enjoy her dancing and she confessed to Charlotte in between dances.  
  
"I enjoy myself very much, indeed. But I miss one person.“  
Charlotte was afraid her friend would getting sad again of thoughts of Otis, and was surprised as Georgina continued.  
"I miss Arthur, he would enjoy it here like me!“  
Charlotte was pleased to knew that there was another good friend for Georgiana, when she couldn’t be around.

  
  


At the London Ball Tom tried to understand what had happen between Sidney and his betrothed. Mary seemed to know something, but stayed silent. Tom was hurt again, he felt left out. He continued to drill for answers, a little quarrel with the fiancée is still no reason not to go to the New Year's Ball. He complained to his wife about that fact, but she talked to Diana instead answering him.  
After he talked to some acquaintance about Sanditon, he heard some gossip about Eliza. He couldn’t believe what he was hearing, and he hoped when he get home the would get a chance to talk to Sidney once again.  
Arthur and Diana joined them and without Toms doing Arthur said.  
"The rumours are starting faster than I thought."   
Diana was laughing and pounded lightly on his arm.  
"What is going on?“ He was shocked what one of his brothers told him, what the other had kept secret.

  
  


In Willingden, the young ladies ran home blissfully. The assembling rooms were only 10 minutes away, so they lifted their skirts high enough so they wouldn’t get wet in the snow.  
But Georgiana danced around in the snow and laughed happily again. After Alison had thrown snow to the two older ones, they were already quite drenched. Charlotte decided to show her friend a secret.  
"Georgie, I show you something! But promise me to do it as well!“  
"Of course!“ She yelled without knowing, what Charlotte would show her.  
She ran in front of her to a snowy field with no footsteps on it, she laid down on her back and stood still for a moment, till the cold snow got through her thin dance dress.  
"What are you doing?“ Cried her friend and Charlotte began to wish the snow beside with her arms and legs. Than she stilled again and Allison helped her up.  
"How does it look?“  
"An angel! Oh, I want to try, I want to try!“ Like a little child Georgiana bounced up and down and than laid down as well.

  
  


Tom couldn’t resist to open the door of the carriage, before it stood to run into the house without helping Mary out. 

"Sidney!“ He yelled and run to the salon, where he found Sidney looking into the flames, drink in hand.  
"My dear brother!“ Tom came to comfort him across the room with large steps.  
"What I heard this evening, hurt my very soul, all this gossip!“  
Sidney looked at his brother questioning.  
"How could you....?“  
"What do you mean? The 'Sanditon Holding', you know...“  
"Not this!“ Tom cried "There was gossip everywhere, that you both are no longer engaged!“

"Oh that!“ Sidney smiled.  
"She did it again and you’re sitting here smiling? I don’t understand...!“  
"Yes, that’s the problem with you!“ His younger brother said, and Tom thought he was drunk, because of another heartbreak from Eliza.  
"You’re in pain, I know...“  
"You do know nothing! I am heartbroken, since the day I was obliged to engage myself to her!“  
"What?“  
Tom looked to Mary who was standing in the doorframe. She came closer, shut the door and poured her husband and herself also a drink. Bewildered Tom looked between his brother and his wife.  
"You should sit down.“  
She ordered. Then Sidney and his sister-in-law told Tom Parker the whole story and how Eliza forced Sidney to engage himself to her in the first place.

"You love Charlotte Heywood?“ Tom asked unbelieving, "Our Charlotte?“  
Warmth flooded through Sidney as these words. She had long been part of the family without knowing.

"But Arthur said, Eliza left you, again?“  
"Yes.“  
"But what is with her money? Her investments?“  
"What is in the holding stayed, because it is profitable for her.“ Sidney sighed.  
"Everything else, I’ve already paid her back.“  
  
Tom started to understand, with a desperate voice he began  
"But that means....“

"I bought myself free.“


	10. After tomorrow

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Georgiana and Charlotte come back to London.  
Sidney has some news to share, but not only good one.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A bit angst, for now.

After three more weeks in the New Year Georgina was surprisingly happy to go back to London the next day.  
Although she would miss her new friends, 5 years old Betty, and Ally and of course the lovely Mrs Heywood. Also she would miss Charlotte's brother John who reminded her a bit of Arthur. She has to admit that she missed him, more than she thought. Arthur was for her like John was to Charlotte. Kind, witty a little bit strange, but with a very good sense for the indiscernible. When necessary they would fight for them.

Georgiana had to admit, she missed the comfort of being alone sometimes. All the noise with all this Heywood’s was sometimes a little bit too much. It was understandable that Charlotte tried to create some silence by focusing of reading difficult books, or going out to hunt or grooming the horses. But what she missed the most is the comfort of a bed for her own. Not that she didn’t like to sleep in the same room with three others, sharing a bed with someone so small and warm like her friend. It was quit alright, but... she couldn’t withstand one more night with Charlotte by her side.

If Charlotte was fast asleep, she was rolled like a ball at the end of the bed. She always tossed her head back and forth. She was whimpering, weeping and sometimes screaming in her dreams. Georgiana tried to comfort her, soothe her, stroke her hair. It was heart-breaking. Some nights Charlotte was so calm, it was scary. Then Georgiana nudged her lightly to be sure she was still alive.  
But the worst was, when she cried his name. Not very loud, so no one except Georgiana could hear her. But she didn’t want to hear his name in these desperate whispers. Charlotte’s hands reached for him, the image she only saw in her dreams. Sidney, Sidney. Sometimes Charlotte whimpered more then his name.  
"Why“, "Come back!“ desperate, "Don’t go!“ She begged, but the most heart wrenching thing was a strangled.  
"I understand“. 

Her sobs were too much for Georgiana and sometimes was she back at her own heart-breaking goodbye to Otis.  
But she had still hope to be together with him, someday. To see and hear and feel her friend dying inside broke her heart even more. Georgiana hated Sidney again. Although he had implied that he was working on a solution, she would never forgive him, for what he had done to Charlotte.  
She hoped that, when there still would be a chance for the both of them after all, her friend would let him suffer how he deserved it. Or maybe she could try to move on from him, somehow, someday.

Georgiana didn’t tell Charlotte what was happening in the nights. She always asked her how she had slept and if she dreamed, but Charlotte just smiled and said she wouldn’t dream at all.

  


Sidney tossed around in his dreams. Always when he had drunk a little to much his dreams were strange and confusing.

After their separation all this months ago he had drunk a few nights to benumb the pain.  
He had dreamed of Charlotte of course, their kiss, then he was happy for a little moment before her.  
"I wish you every happiness, excuse me...“  
Hunted him, till he woke up crying like a little boy. Her face strong and beautiful and broken on his mind for the rest of the night and the next day, till he had got drunk again. Then sometimes Georgiana appeared in his dreams, angry screaming. “You promised me, you wouldn’t hurt her!“ ,"marriage without love is like .... slavery!“  
He knew that, he knew, but couldn’t do anything against it. He drunk the following night, and the night after that.

Once he woke up after a dream about the future with Charlotte, but this time she said strangled  
"I understand“.  
And he couldn’t breath, his heart pumped slowly. It hurt so much, he thought he would die this night, since his heart would simple stop beating.  
After that he knew he had to do everything to bring her back. He realised there was no other solution. He had to organise, to beg on his knees and to pay. Pay, pay, pay. Till he may lost everything, but not her.  
Sometimes he was so desperate that he had drunk again, and his dreams were full of Charlotte, her wind-blowed hair, her sweet smiles, her white dresses and the desperation in her voice.  
Then he visited a mutual friend the next day.  
She said calmly, "I’ll find a way“. And she did.

  


As Georgina arrived at Bedford Place the next afternoon, the children were desperate to hear every news from their Admiral Heywood they could get. There were presents and letters for them and also for Mary but of course no letter for Tom or him. Sidney knew it was irrational, but unlike his brother he was disappointed. Listened to every story Georgina was telling, he closed his eyes and imagined her.  
"In the bedroom were only three beds, but we slept there as four of us.“  
Georgina told them, the children where laughing and calculated that that means, Georgina had to share a bed with some one.  
Sidney’s heart began to race as Georgina told them of her first time she saw snow.  
"...we all ran outside in only our nightgowns and a blanket – and shoes of course.“  
The sight of Charlotte only in her nightgown appeared on his mind but Georgiana smashed this thought, as she said.  
"Only Charlotte was fully dressed.“  
She looked at him with an angry expression on her face.  
"How is she?“ Mary asked and gave him a small smile.  
Desperate, heartbroken, strange, no bright shining eyes, thought Georgiana, but she decided to let Sidney suffer a little bit, by saying the opposite.  
"Quite well. She was laughing and dancing at the ball, hunting and riding. I guess she is blooming.“  
A look to Sidney from ten pairs of eyes. He smiled an honest smile, because he was happy for her. She had moved on, and that was fine. She deserved to be happy.

  


Later when there were only the adults, Georgina couldn’t help herself and answered earnest to Arthurs question, how Miss Heywood really was. He had recognised Georgina’s overstatement towards Sidney.  
"He is suffering enough." He told her.  
"She's doing as well. At day she is more like herself, but when nobody is looking...“  
She sighed. Sidney listened, without looking in their direction.  
"Some nights I couldn’t sleep, ‘cause she was whimpering and crying. She did try to bury her true feelings behind a mask, so her parents wouldn’t recognise. They don’t know yet, but I don’t think she would conceal it any longer. It’s the best she came to London with me, to stay at Lady Susan’s again.“

Sidney closed his eyes. Tears prickled behind his eyelids. He got up and left the room.  
He drank alone in his room. With the knowledge to have bad dreams again.

  


Charlotte was glad to lie down on this comfort bed again. She also was so happy, that her dear friend Susan asked everything except everything what concerned him.  
She let out a sight, tears run down her pale face and she lost herself in the pain of the heart, here where nobody could see it. Charlotte allowed herself to suffer one more night and one more day, but the day after tomorrow, she would begin a new life.  
As a working woman. Earn her own money, and hopefully respect of this mysterious gentlemen who had gave her the offer.

  


Lady Susan would be visiting friends tomorrow, so she would be alone the whole day. Charlotte thought between sobs, she could take a walk in the garden, but she would avoid the park. The park brought her back to this day, when he finally told her that he loved her, but it was to late. Why he didn’t say it earlier? Why did he say it at all, now when everything was lost?  
When the most feared day will appear, she wouldn’t be here. Lady Susan had offered her an escape to the house of friends of her. Charlotte would be in Scotland, when he would finally became the husband of Mrs Campion.  
Again she shook a deep sob. Once again she cried herself to sleep.

But hopefully the last time, Lady Susan thought. She could no longer bear the suffering of her young friend. It was important to meet him tomorrow to hopefully get the salvation they all hoped for.

  


The next morning a tired Sidney tried to talk to Georgiana, as Mary came to them with an unexpected visitor. Lady Susan. 

"Oh, you look like our plan has failed. Please do tell me, that isn’t the point.“  
She said after the greetings. He shook his head.  
"It is done. We could be together, if she would have me at all.“  
He said in a small voice. Georgina looked worried, there was something to come.  
"Than it couldn’t be so bad!“  
Susan noticed with a expectant smile.  
But Sidney answered her in a strangled voice and worried face.

  
"It’s worse.“

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I promise, in the next chapter I'll explain everything.


	11. letters

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Finally we learn from Sidneys plan and.... what went wrong..

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A little late, but finally the new chapter.

While Lady Susan was visiting her friends, Charlotte walked alone in the garden. It was cold and windy. She walked about an hour and suddenly she found herself standing at the pond in the park. The sun was glittering on the small freeze pond and she remembered her dream.  
One single tear run down her cheek by the feeling which clutched her heart. Here it was the last time she had seen him, so maybe this is her definitely goodbye to the dream, named Sidney Parker. Turning away she heard branches crack and she looked over, but there was nothing.  
She was alone. 

Now she was feeling the wind and the cold and the sun disappeared behind a big grey cloud.  
She nodded to confirm her thoughts and went home to Lady Susan’s.

The Lady wasn’t back yet and after a cup of tea Charlotte decided to bring the letter from her sister to Mr Stringer. Uncertain if she should really be again the mediator for an other couple, she decided to let him wait till the end of her visit.  
She wrote a little note for Lady Susan and leave the house.

  


Meanwhile Sidney told the both ladies in front of him about the conversations and contracts he had made with Eliza.  
He thought of this day when he was talking to her. He explained everything.  
Once again he told her, he would never love her again. That he couldn’t be the husband she deserved. He agreed to everything she asked. To wait for a new engagement at least six month, to wait till the gossip of their agreement would stop to show him in company with another woman. He agreed happily to not go on any events in society. Sidney would agree more, because she was the victim after all. 

How stupid he was.

They shouldn’t be surprised that she would take revenge. Arthur recognised early enough, that Eliza was not to be trusted. So Sidney shouldn’t be surprised by what she had done.

After the greetings, Mr Stringer told Charlotte about his work and his plans for Sandition and that he was in contact with Tom about it. They met every week. Only when she wanted to say goodbye, did he ask about her family. And then he asked if she had any news from her sister. Mr Stringer looked at his feet and looked nervous. Charlotte smiled and gave him the letter from Alison. An honest smile beamed up on his face and he seemed to blush a little. Charlotte said her goodbyes and went back to Lady Susan’s.

  


Sidney finally told his ward and Lady Worcester the news that Mrs Campion had confirmed her decision to end the engagement to him in writing. Her money in the “Sandition Holding“ would stay till it would make profit.

Georgina smiled, she was happy for her friend, but worried about the new turns of events.  
Sidney told them that he took over Tom’s open credits from the banks, that he had overwritten his property in Antigua to Lady D. as a deposit and he continued.

"My business I overwrote to a... to a friend.“  
Sidney and Lady Susan share a knowing glance.  
"My remaining money is in the 'Sanditon Holding'...so“ he sighed and wiped his hands over his face.  
"I have nothing left, except the depts at the banks.“

Georgiana still not understood the meaning of all that.  
"It is obvious why I wanted to marry her.“  
He said like he was talking to a child.  
"It was obvious before.“ Georgina answered confused.  
"But I screamed it loud to my friends in a certain establishment, next to very closed friends of her and her deceased husband.“  
"Everything went like we planed.“ Lady Worcester said in a proud voice, "Mrs Campion couldn’t stand the upcoming scandal and had to solve the engagement.“ She looked at Sidney again.

"Yes, but..."  
"But ?..." She asked.  
"I had a deal with the banks on how long to pay off the debts, it was a good deal..."  
"Was?" Georgiana asked worried.  
"I received a few letters." He sat down on a chair, next to the table he looked on the floor.  
"It seems that Eliza was able to persuade the banks to cancel these agreements."  
The women in front of him looked scared.

"I have nothing left. I have to go to the.... Debtor's prison." 

"What?“ Georgiana gasped.  
After a few moments of silence Georgiana asked Sidney with a small voice and tears in her eyes.  
"How long?“

"A while.“

  


"Miss Heywood.“  
Someone called and Charlotte was pleased when she saw Lady Babbington in a carriage next to her at the street. Esther left the carriage and greeted her warmly and asked her about the events in the last weeks. She also scolded her a little, since she had not written since Christmas.

"I have seen them one day in the park, you know.“  
She looked at Charlotte with her eyes glittering.   
"They looked very familiar. I would not be surprised, if an other wedding was soon to be announced.“.  
"But he is terrible!“ Miss Heywood was to good to be true, Esther thought.  
"And that’s why they are made for each other.“  
Both chuckled, but Charlotte could not bare that any woman should marry him, not even Mrs Campion.  
"My husband is his closed friend, they met today so... I will find out.“  
Esther patted her hand and smiled again.  
"Thank you, Esther, but I don’t hope anymore.“

  


As Lady Susan arrived at home in company with a certain gentleman, they were disappointed Charlotte wasn’t there. Susan found the note for her and told Sidney. He was worried, that it was to late, that Charlotte moved on. With Mr Stringer.

"I can assure you, Mr Parker that Mr Stringer is very interested in Miss Heywood.“  
He looked like a kicked puppy.  
"Miss Alison Heywood.“  
"Oh.“ He smiled a little and asked hesitantly "And how is... how is she?“  
"Not good. That’s why you have to tell her that you are free.“  
"I am not free.“

"You are a strong young man, Mr Parker. Your friend assured you he will pay for your room. You don’t have to worry so much I think.“  
Ever the optimist, he thought. Like Charlotte. Or much more, like Charlotte was before she had met him.

"We find a solution for that as well.“  
Susan told him.  
"You have already done so much, I can’t...“  
"We find a way.“  
She patted his arm and tried to convince him to stay or at least write a letter to Charlotte.

  


Lady Babbington did not miss to bring Miss Heywood back to Lady Worcester’s home. As she left the carriage and waved her friend she saw a man walking in some distance. A strange feeling came over her, but she shook it off, it could not be him.

Back inside Lady Susan greeted her, who then confirmed that it was Sidney she had seen outside. Charlotte was confused by the news and Susan gave her the letter he had left her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I researched it and also learned that it happened pretty fast to land there.  
Sometimes it was about a very small sum. One day in prison, weeks month or years.
> 
> Let see how it will go for Sidney in the next chapter...


	12. avoiding

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Charlotte tries to avoid the pain.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> a bit of heartache, before everything gets better

"Thank you.“  
Charlotte took the letter from Lady Susan and touched it carefully.  
"I think you may go upstairs and read it.“  
Lady Susan smiled at her, which Charlotte returned, but the smile didn’t reach her eyes.  
She was infinitely grateful of Susan’s friendship, the opportunities she gave her, their conversations and also her help in the matter of the heart.  
But now, Charlotte was just tired. Tired of being hopeful for an incident, what never will come. 

Of course she didn’t tell Lady Susan that, she wouldn’t dim her optimism and enthusiastic hope of a happy ending of her and Sidney. The love story, which never was one. Oh, sweet bitterness.  
She knew exactly what would been written in this letter, that he had to do this sacrifice, that he didn’t love her betrothed and so on.

Charlotte hoped it would finally be over.  
The pain in her heart, the pressure in her chest, the constant burning in her eyes. Every feeling was buried inside, deep inside. It was coming up in the night, she could barely sleep. In a few month it would be a year, in which she barely slept.

First she couldn’t sleep cause of the excitement of the adventure named Sanditon. Then of the arguments and interactions she had with a certain gentleman. And then she couldn’t sleep, cause of this confusing feelings which pulled at her heart.  
She wanted to break through the walls of her prison of pain and longing. Charlotte wanted to be free again. 

"May I have a cup of tea first?“  
She asked hesitantly, maybe she could put off the unavoidable.  
"Of course my dear girl.“  
Lady Susan looked her over worried. She could see through the mask Charlotte always put on, but she knew it would soon be over. She would not tell her, she should hear – or read it, from him.

After they drunk the tea in the salon, Charlotte went upstairs in her room. She paced around and looked over to her bed, where she had thrown the letter.  
His letter. She took the letter in hand she weighed it. It was lightly heavier as the letter she had hold in her hand before. He had more to tell, it seems.  
But would she want to know?

Yes! She would want to know everything about him. But he wasn’t hers, so maybe she should take the letter and tear it to pieces. Or burn it in the fireplace.

Instantly formed a lump in her throat, and she couldn’t breath or swallow it down.  
She went to the window and opened it, the cold air filled her room and touched her heated face.  
How could she only think such a terrible thing?

He wrote this letter, so that to be read by her.  
He gave her the chance to know him better, to read what he was feeling, how could she deny him this?  
How could she deny him this very last piece she would ever get from him?

Charlotte pressed the letter to her heart and breathed deep. It smelled like him. Closing her eyes she saw him before her.  
His handsome face flooded with every emotion, at the midsummer ball. Insecurity, love and tenderness. Nervous he told her, he had never want to put himself under someone’s power. He never wanted to care for someone. But he did. Her, Georgiana his family.

Someone’s power – yes she was under his power. Utterly.

She stepped to the bed, sat down and put the letter on her pillow. Maybe it would smell like him and she could dream about him tonight.  
Before that she would read the letter and cry in the silence of the night.

A further deep breath and she stood up again, closed the window and left the room.

  


Lady Susan heard the door of Charlotte's room opened and closed again, a few small steps from her friend and another door opened and closed.  
So she left the room a few minutes after she had gone upstairs, so maybe she hasn't read the letter yet. Surely Charlotte would read it later if no one heard her crying, Susan thought knowing. Deeply worried about her young friend and hopeful that she would be distracted from the work she was looking for in that particular room. She promised herself she would give her another day.

Charlotte sat down at the table next to the window. She stroked over the ebony desk in awe. This is her room, her desk for the work, which was waiting in the bundle in front of her. Maybe she should start with the work today, so she could distract herself from the obvious business in her room.

  


Sidney sat on a chair in the salon at Bedford Place. It was her chair. There she was sitting, as he apologized, the day before the ball. When he stepped into the room, he was amazed at how vulnerable and small she looked. If he wasn't so exhausted and bound by the rules, he would have loved to just take her in his arms. He would have hugged her tightly to protect her from the big, evil world.  
Oh, how he missed her!

It had been in that one moment that he definitely knew how he felt about her.  
The concern for her safety and well-being. The heat and passion in their fights. Her looks, which met his when he had given Georgina tips against her heartache.  
Sidney knew at that moment that Charlotte knew. She knew that he had a heart and that it had been broken before.

Mary came to him and asked him, if he needed something, but he just shook his head. Tears in his eyes. The only person he wanted to be with wasn’t here.  
Maybe she had burned his letter, or maybe she read it in this moment and cried for him. He cried for himself, too. He cried for her. For them.  
Immediately he couldn’t bare the silence and tightness of this room and this house any longer.

He passed Mary at the door, took his coat and hat and went outside. He knew exactly where he has to go.

  


After they had dinner, Charlotte apologized and went upstairs. Lady Worcester wouldn't bother her and wouldn't say anything to her. Only tomorrow would she talk to her about the letter and tell her it was important.  
She heard that Charlotte was going back to the study, some distraction wouldn't hurt.

A few hours later the candle was very small and Charlotte's eyes were burning, she closed them and yawned. She was supposed to go to bed, by midnight, she thought and pulled herself up. She locked the door and went over to her room.. 

She came in, took off her clothes, washed herself and got ready for the night. Combing her hair was not a good idea, because after putting it up all day, her scalp burned. Then it stood off in all directions. She put on her nightgown and went to the window. She opened it again and breathed deeply. The wind felt like the breeze in Sanditon and she closed her eyes at that feeling. 

So she couldn't see the tall gentleman across the street looking up to her room.  
He couldn't come any closer, it was finally in the middle of the night. Everyone except the two seemed to be asleep.

  


Sidney was amazed at her. She was standing at the window, only a thin white nightgown, she didn't tremble and didn't look as if she was freezing. The cold didn't seem to bother her anymore. It was frightening. She stood there like a ghost, her eyes closed, with the darkness behind her. Her hair was wild and stood off in all directions. 

Oh, how he wanted to bury his hands in her wild curls.

When a wind blew, she drove her hands through her hair and pressed it against her head. She calmed down for a moment, as if breathing deeply.  
A hand slipped over her neck on her chest. It seemed as if she was trying to relieve the pain that he always felt there, too.  
He closed his eyes, he didn't want to see her like that. Sad, hurt, broken. He wants her to be happy.

When he opened his eyes again, she was gone, the window closed. But he saw a small light flickering in her room.  
He turned to go, maybe he could see her tomorrow before he had to leave her again.


	13. salvation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> finally Charlotte reads the letter.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am very sorry for the delay, but I wanted to finish it yesterday and post it, but then the DVD arrived and I had to watch it.  
I hope you understand that.

It was no longer possible to ignore the letter. After she had slept with the letter pressed firmly against her heart, it was a little creased. His smell was slowly fading.  
Charlotte knew she had to read it. But not now. She couldn't.

First she sat at the brakefast table and drunk her tea, eating was out of the question. She could barely swallow.  
Lady Susan sat opposite her and could no longer sit idly beside her in this matter.  
"Charlotte, I know you can't believe this, but I know the letter is very important. Please do him a favour and read the letter. I'm not the person who should tell you all this, and I think there are also things mentioned that I don't know."  
With her quiet voice Lady Susan achieved exactly what she wanted. Charlotte nodded, got up and went upstairs.

After the nervousness vanished into thin air and the curiosity won over, she pulled out the letter. Charlotte had carried it all day with her near her heart. The letter included three sheets of paper, two looked like lists and one was fully written in Sidney's distinctive, energetic, strong handwriting.

"My dearest Charlotte," she read, and immediately she shed tears.  
She continued reading, but could not stop the tears, she had to drop the letter at least three times before she could continue. 

"My dearest Charlotte,

I waited for you, but you didn't come and Lady S. persuaded me to write you a letter. Of course she's right. We might not see each other for a while, so I have to tell you everything in this letter. So please forgive me my writing, it was in a hurry.

First of all I want to tell you that I love you. I love so deeply, it hurts every second I am not with you. But I could only survive all this things, which happened, because you were always on my mind. You wormed yourself in my heart and I take you with me where ever I go. Everything you said to me in the past I took to my heart and I tried do be better.  
It’s true I am my best self only with you, but you weren’t there and I was struggled between drunken and sad, heartbroken and desperate. And when I imagined how could it be with you I was optimistic. I have tried and done everything to get rid of her. And I was successful. I am not longer engaged.“

After she had read it once, she started all over again, she couldn’t believe it.

"Every day that I am not able to be with you, is so insanely painful. I hate myself for what I did. What I did to you, to us. I do not allow myself to hope that one day you will be able to forgive me.“ 

Charlotte has to take a deep breath. Her heart jumped in her chest, she had to close her eyes for a moment before she could continue.

"My freedom was hard to get. I hope that you will read this letter until the end so that you understand why I can't be with you and tell you everything directly.  
The terrible news is that I took over Tom's debts with the banks. Why, I explain on the second sheet, so that you can destroy it after reading.  
The banks trusted me and we agreed to a payment by instalment. It was a good plan, till somebody persuaded the banks to cancel this agreement. You can imagine who this was. I have to go to debt’s prison tomorrow.  
That is her revenge.“ 

Oh no, how could this woman be so cruel? Charlotte cried out loud, she couldn’t help herself.

"On the other page of this letter is a list of everything you need to know, a statement from 'Sanditon Holding', which we founded, what kind of deposit I have given Lady D. for her to have a security for her payments. A more detailed list can be found in the bundle of papers I put on your desk. The only liquid money in the bank is in your name. Charlie Heywood. The only two people who know about it are your friend and Babbington.

Please do not tell Tom, he would otherwise try to persuade you to give it to him. He is very p...“ The rest oft he word was crossed out.  
"..Angry that he is out of all financial matters in the business. He does not have much anymore, and the last time we spoke, he said that he tried desperately to keep Trafalgar house.

Babbington can help you by any kind of question, he and Lady Susan know everything of the plan, and what I had to do. 

So, there is nothing left, except that. I believe in you, don’t doubt yourself, I know you can handle it.  
I love you.“

Charlotte read the letter three times before she was running out of her room.


	14. prison

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sidney is in the prison.  
Who will come to visit him?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> finally

Sidney woke up, his body arched because he had slept on the floor.  
This wasn't the worst place he had ever been, but it was very exhausting to start every day.  
Babbington fortunately paid him this single room, so at least he had his rest and could think.

He wondered, if Charlotte could ever forgive him. He had broken her heart.  
And now he had forced her unasked to take over his work.  
He had made another decision without asking her.

He had seen himself in Charlotte. A decade earlier. Suddenly no longer be himself.  
She smiled, but it didn't reach her eyes anymore. She was friendly, but not cordial. She gave answers, but no longer her own opinion.  
She had locked herself inside. Just like him then. 

He had changed her. Not by his love, but by his desire to save his family. How much he wished to turn back time, so many things he would do differently.  
But that was not possible. Therefore he had to hope that she would read his letter and perhaps answer him.  
Maybe he could even hope that she would visit him one day.

He received no visitors except Babbington, Crowe and Mary. The guard Mr Forster had already announced a beautiful, elegant lady several times, but Eliza was the very last person he wanted to see. How could she possibly dare to come here? Did she want to wallow in his pain?  
Not only was he in here for her sake, but the chance to finally get together with Charlotte was virtually out of the question.  
Would her father ever allow her to marry a man like him?  
Would she ever give him the chance?

Sidney moaned and set down on a chair and drove his hands through his hair.  
He had to thank Babbington for bringing him paper and feather so he could write another letter to Charlotte.  
Maybe the one he had left at Lady Susan was too factual. Maybe she hadn't even read it, but had burned it right away.

Breathing deeply, he closed his eyes and imagined Charlotte. Her thousand different expressions.  
Her beautiful big doe eyes in which he wanted to sink in.  
Her wild hair into which he wanted to slide his fingers and grab her so she couldn't escape him. To kiss her.  
Her soft lips, which he wanted to touch with his. Slow and tender, wild and passionate.  
But above all he wanted her heart. Her heart and her life, which she would share with him. 

And he tried to put that into words and wrote it down.

  


"Good morning, Miss." The guard smiled at the elegant woman as she entered, and she greeted him warmly.  
"I didn't ask him today, so he couldn't tell me he didn't want to see you. As you said."  
"Thank you, Mr Forster."  
She smiled at him and walked by his side into the room Lord Babbington had paid for Sidney.  
Mr Forster nodded to her and finally let her in.

  


As Sidney heard the door open, he didn’t move.  
Pretending to sleep he hoped she would go away.

  


Charlotte stopped at the door for a moment and let her gaze wander through the room. In one corner lay blankets on the floor, apparently his sleeping place. A small window at the top of the wall on the other side. Underneath was a table with a chair on which he was sitting.  
His arms on the table were pushed together as a pillow, his face buried in them.

As if pulled by an unknown force, she went over to him. She heard him snore quietly.  
When she stood two steps away, she saw the sheet of paper under him, as it seemed, he had written her a letter.  
It seemed to be a love letter.

Tears came to her eyes and a smile spread across her face. Her heart was beating violently in her chest.  
She could not resist the urge to touch him. As she got closer, his breathing seemed to stop for a moment.  
She reached out her hand and finally, finally, she touched him.  
Gently stroking over his head and neck and as her tender fingers touched his warm skin, she didn't see the single tear which ran down his face.

  


Sidney heard the quiet footsteps approaching, apparently stopping, then approaching again. His neck hair stood up, he felt an urge to jump up.  
She came closer. She smelled like wild flowers and the ocean breeze of Sanditon.  
Charlotte.  
He couldn't believe it. A tender touch of his hair, her cool fingers on his neck. He lifted his head. That couldn't be.  
She stroked him further over his head and he dared to look. It was her.  
Charlotte.

He grabbed her tight and pressed his face into her belly. His arms closed tightly around her waist. She swung a little by the power of his embrace, but here she was. He had her and would never let her go again. Sidney could not hold back his tears and cried. The tears and sobs came and he was not ashamed of it. He pressed her even firmer, he would probably give her bruises. But he couldn't stop.  
He would have loved to crawl and disappear into her.

"Charlotte.“  
Charlotte stroked him tenderly and soothed him.  
"It’s alright.“ She told him.  
"You are here.“ He whispered between sobs.  
"I am here.“ Silent tears run down her cheeks and fell freely on his head.  
"... It was you?“ he asked quietly. Not Eliza!  
"Yes.“  
"I love you. I love you.“ He cried with broken voice and griped her even firmer.

She took his face in her hands and loosened it from her centre.  
With her thumbs she stroked the tears from his cheeks, he closed his eyes and it seemed as if a little smile was playing around the corners of his mouth. 

She scratched lightly over his stubble and he moaned softly. She did it again and he finally opened his eyes again.  
She leaned towards until her forehead touched his and as if that had been a secret signal, he grabbed the back of her head and pressed his lips to hers. Surprised by this sensation, Charlotte gasped for air. Sidney wouldn't let her go and literally glued to her.  
He stood up without losing her lips and wrapped one arm around her back, pressing her so tightly into his body, they could feel each other's racing heart.

It wasn't until Charlotte whimpered quietly that he let her go. He allowed only minimal distance between their lips.  
Sidney kept touching hers, with his own lips. Until she moved away a little to say something.

"Wait!"  
"No." He said sulking.  
"I must..." She sucked the air in sharply as he kissed her tenderly like a feather on the forehead.  
"I wanted..." again she was interrupted by a kiss, this time on her temple.  
"Ah, ..." now his nose slightly touched her neck.  
"I ..."  
He pressed a gentle kiss under her ear. She could hardly breathe and let him kiss her neck further, till she was already slightly dizzy.  
Sidney moved about a inch away of her, his breath tickled her sensitive skin.

"Yes?" He asked in that teasing tone.  
"Hmm?“ She had still closed her eyes, face tilted to the side for better access, skin flushed.  
Charlotte couldn't really deal with all the feelings in her body and didn’t remember what she wanted to say a minute ago.

He touched her chin briefly. She opened her eyes and looked at him. Their eyes locked. It was as if they were looking into each other's souls.  
Tears came into their eyes. Their hearts beat in the same beat.  
Her hands that had clawed into his shirt at his lower back lost their hold. Without releasing her gaze from him, she put a hand on his heart.  
He sucked the air in sharply. Her other hand gently touched his face.  
Charlotte took a deep breath and finally said what he had longed to hear for so long.

"And I love you.“

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I had read that in my research that you could pay in the debt's prison for a better room ...


	15. tradition

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> While Sidney's trying to stay true to tradition.  
Charlotte try something else...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I had to get rid of this.

In the meantime, a tradition had established itself.  
Every morning, as soon as the gates of the debtors prison opened, Charlotte came to visit Sidney. 

Most of the time she had business documents and questions about one or the other, but also something personal for him.  
On her second visit she brought him a pillow and fresh bread, on her third she brought him another blanket and cake. She had meanwhile also contacted Mary, who brought fresh clothes for him on her last visit.

Sidney had introduced his own little tradition. He cleaned up as much as he could and was freshly washed and shaved, although with his fast beard growth the first shade was already visible on his jaw in the afternoon. Another ritual was the way he greeted Charlotte.

He usually stood in the middle of the room, smiled at her and let his gaze wander briefly over her until he met her with three long steps.  
He leaned down to her, kissed her cheek, put her hand in his and pressed her hand to his face. He closed his eyes for a moment and a sad shadow lay over his handsome face.

Charlotte's heart fluttered every time he kissed her palm. It stung in her heart, when she saw tears shimmering in his eyes.  
She felt exactly the same. On one side they knew about the feelings of the other, but his situation hadn't changed yet.  
So it was a standstill.

Of course she knew that it wasn't proper, after all, they weren't even engaged, but she longed for him.  
His kisses. His warmth.  
His love radiated from his eyes, every touch of their hands was one too few.  
When he embraced her, he whispered things in her ears that made her blush or tremble.  
Sometimes, or rather almost always, it was both.

Sidney couldn't bear to let her go. The desire for her nearness grew every day and he didn't dare kiss her anymore.  
He was afraid he couldn't control himself when she made those little breathless noises.  
Her cheeks blushed, her lips slightly open, her hot breath on his skin.

It wasn't right to be together like that. Even if they loved each other and it was completely clear how the whole thing would end.  
He wanted to court her traditionally. Ask her father for his daughter's hand.  
Ask her in a romantic way. Take long walks, plan the future.

Therefore, since the second week of her visits, their lips had not touched.  
The tension between them was now almost unbearable. It was tangible. The air between them seemed to flicker.

This tension between them caused other people to go further. Georgiana no longer came with Charlotte. She came to visit Sidney now only with Arthur and Diana. After he had allowed her and his siblings to come at all. It was unpleasant for him. But Arthur got to the point again.

"Sidney, you're a hero. You saved Tom and our name!"  
"Thank you Arthur." They hugged each other warmly and Diana started to cry.  
"I wished I'd never have to visit one of my brothers here, but I know you're the only one who can survive it healthy."  
Sidney smiled slightly, he knew she was right.

However, he would wish Tom to be here instead of him. That would finally bring him down from his high horse to the ground of facts.  
But Tom hadn't even written him a letter.

Mary came with them some days and sometimes alone. She never had news of Tom, she just didn't want to talk about him.  
When she came with Charlotte, there was a certain tension in the air. Mary was fully aware that these two wonderful souls had suffered so much because of Tom. So she tried to make up for her own mistakes by leaving them alone as soon as possible.

Charlotte was then often very thoughtful, careful, she then got this closed facial expression she wore at Babbington's wedding.  
She was on her guard.  
Everything Sidney said was weighed and carefully considered. Suddenly she was the young, naive woman again, whom he had just broken the heart.

In those moments, Sidney wanted to do nothing but embrace her and kiss her senselessly.  
Until she had forgotten everything that would perhaps forever lie between them.  
The pain, the self-doubt, the insecurity and the loss were back.  
The look in her eyes brought him back to the moment in the salon, when he had told her that he was obliged to engage himself to Eliza.

Sidney kneeled before her as she seemed to be getting smaller and smaller on the chair. Her hands in her lap were freezing cold.  
He put his over hers and pressed it gently. As he searched for her look, he wondered once again if she could ever forgive him.

"Charlotte," he began in a soft voice.  
"Charlotte, please talk to me."   
She only reacted with a little twitch of her head.  
"I love you." He whispered.   
Her mouth turned into a little smile that immediately disappeared.

"It still hurts." She whispered back. 

Sidney closed his eyes. 

"Me too."  
"The moment you..."  
"I know."  
"I was thinking," she began with a trembling voice, "that you...that we..."  
"But now nothing stands in our way anymore.“ He told her seriously.

Charlotte looked him in the eye and her look said more than a thousand words.  
Insecurity. She couldn't believe him because he didn't promised her anything.  
He couldn’t offer her anything. He hadn't proposed. Not yet.

"I love you deeply.“ He said simply.

She seemed to have something interesting on her mind. Looking away for a moment, then to him again. Her facial expression was serious.  
Lovingly.  
A light smile lay on her features.

"Sidney," she smiled slightly when she saw his reaction. His heart jumped at the sound of his name on her lips.  
"What's the next step?"  
"We're trying everything to get me out of here as soon as possible." He smiled his sweet crooked smile.  
"And then what?  
"Everything you want.“ He assured her.  
"Everything?“   
She smiled her teasing smile. He breathed deeply. She was back again.  
"What are you thinking about?" He asked and brought her hands to his mouth and kissed her palms.  
"Erm, courting and proposing?"   
She asked and looked so incredibly lovely that Sidney could barely breathe. He laughed quietly.

"What? Mr Parker," she asked seriously, and Sidney saw a glimmer of insecurity flashing in her eyes.

"Won't you marry me?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for all the support!


	16. announcement

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Announcements were made and Charlotte and Sidney are a bit .... desperate

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I think that's fate, that I had the same idea as javelinkb (Sanditon: The Christmas Special).
> 
> (the worst get the worst)

"You did what?“ Lord Babbington was surprised at what his wife just said.  
"Please. Don’t be so..." She trailed of and thought maybe she shouldn’t have told him.  
"No! I am only surprised that you found the courage to bring yourself to write him a letter.“  
He reached for her hand.  
"After all he had done.“

She smiled her small smug smile in this way, which his heart let pumping loudly in his chest.  
"I only tried to help.“ Esther said, while he pulled her closer to him.  
"I knew how much you like your friend,...“ She sat down next to him, and he snuggled her neck.  
“And I liked to do something nice for Miss Heywood...she is so...so good.“

"You're the most amazing lady I've ever met." Then he kissed her neck.  
"I know." Esther said with a knowing smile.  
"What did you write and when?"  
"After I heard from Charlotte that he and Mrs C. met at the ball before Christmas when you went to Sanditon with Sidney."  
"And why didn't you tell me this until now?" He asked with a raised eyebrow.  
"I thought I would keep it a secret until we could enjoy the result." Esther looked satisfied and grinned at her husband.

Esther told her husband her little trick.  
"I just wrote him that I wanted to warn him to be careful with her and that I didn't like her at all." She was distracted by his breath against her skin.  
"And he did exactly what you wanted." Explained her husband.  
"Yes!"  
She laughed. She stretched out a little and reached for the newspaper on the table next to which they were sitting. And there he saw it in black and white.  
The announcement of the most unexpected, but now most coveted wedding of the high society.

He could not believe that Sidney could not experience it, he had to visit him immediately and tell him about it.

  


  


Sidney's face showed so many emotions.  
"Charlotte.“ He whispered.  
She looked at him. "Yes?“  
Sidney took one more look in her eyes, bent his head slowly. Looked up again and she closed her eyes. He looked once again, his heart was full of... everything. She stood so close, in his arms, eyes closed in expectation for a kiss. Sidney graced her lips with a touch of his, like on the cliff top, this many months ago.

Charlotte couldn’t stand it any longer and opened her eyes again. Sidney had his eyes shut. His face peaceful he leaned more to her, he breathed her in. She craned her head and pressed her lips to his. The grip on her waist got firmer, he pulled her closer, there was no space between them. The kiss was gentle but their body’s told another story. They didn’t stop till a knock on the door broke their moment.

Lord Babbington came inside with a big smile on his face.  
"Sidney!“ He looked to Charlotte and greeted her, too.  
"I have exciting news to share.“  
"What, you paid the debt’s?“  
Sidney teased and Charlotte couldn’t believe that he was joking, but he did, since she had asked him a special question.  
She smirked at the thought.  
He offered her his chair, but she resisted. Holding her hand in his the whole time without any shame in front of his friend.

"Mrs Campion is in breach of contract.“  
"How?“  
"Her new engagement was announced this morning.“ He showed them the newspaper.  
Sidney hissed as he read the announcement of the engagement of Mrs Eliza Campion and none other than Sir Edward Denham. The wedding would be in six weeks. 

"But he is so, he is so..... disgusting.“ Charlotte said and get pale.  
Sidney couldn’t believe that she could be empathic with Eliza, after all what she has cost them. 

"I thought, you should hear the news as soon as possible, so you can....“  
Lord Babbington looked from Sidney to Charlotte, looked back to his friend and titled his head in her direction. Very subtle Sidney thought and shook his head with a smirk.  
"That isn’t possible.“  
"What?“ His friend asked, „you can, Eliza did it too.“  
"We are since last week, Babs.“ Sidney told his friend proudly.  
Babbington cheered up, hugged his friend and congratulated her.

"And because of the debt’s,“ he looked at Charlotte then to Sidney again, "your Miss Heywood here is a very intelligent woman.“  
"I know.“ Sidney said, his fiancé blushed.

"She convinced all your business partners, and investors in the ’Sanditon Holding’ to vouch for you.“  
Sidney nodded, he knew of Charlottes idea about this.  
"So you also know about the debt rescheduling of the banks. There is just only one bank now, we have to pay back?“ Babbington asked.  
Sidney looked to his future wife and smiled.  
"I didn’t know, really?“ She asked.  
"Yes, and because Miss Lambe is a very great client at this bank, they want to submit a better offer, with better conditions.“

"You are amazing.“ Sidney whispered in Charlottes ear and she blushed deeply, because they weren’t alone.  
"And,“ Babbington wasn’t finish now, "your friend Lady Worcester and your brother...“  
"Tom?“ interrupted Sidney.  
"No, Arthur found a big investor for Sanditon.“ Babbington told them.  
"Whom?“ Sidney asked and looked between Charlotte and his friend.  
"A Mr Watson, he runs the two largest hotels in Bath and Brighton.“  
"Charlotte?“ Sidney asked her shaking his head.

"I wanted to tell you before, but you were..... And I was... erm.“  
She blushed again. Sidney huffed a laugh, because he knew exactly that he had distracted her since she came through his door. He couldn’t help himself, since she had asked him last week he had kissed her so often and so long, he didn't know where it was going to lead. Unable to think clearly since that day anymore. She wanted to marry him. She wanted him!  
At least she had forgiven him so much that she wanted him as her husband. She had told him so. The moment she asked him was the most incredible in his life. It was so wonderful and gratifying that he could experience this dream, that he could kiss her all the time. He was so happy.

It was difficult for him to continue to behave properly. He would like to make her his wife immediately.  
But of course he wanted to do everything right. To court, to ask her father for her hand. Besides kissing and hugging, he dared only to stroke her face, hold her hands in his and pull her on his lap.  
Sometimes it was difficult to hold back.

"So hopefully it works.“ Babbington cleared his throat, he knew how it felt to be desperate in love, and this both were, he should head home.  
"That’s.. great. Thank you.“ Sidney whispered.  
"Thank your Lady, it was all her idea.“  
"Thank you.“ He kissed Charlotte on the top of her head and reached to shake the hand of his friend.  
"What are friends for?“ Lord Babbington nodded and said his goodbyes then and went out.

With a deep moan Sidney sat down on the chair and took Charlottes hand. He led it to his lips and kissed it gently. She smiled and stroked his face with her other hand and than sat down on his lap, wrapped her arms around his neck, pressed herself closer to him and kissed him slowly.  
He moaned, dug one hand into her hair, even though it was styled up to an up do, and grabbed her waist with the other.

"Charlotte."  
"Hmmm?"  
"We have to stop."  
"Oh." She blushed.  
"Yes."   
Lowering his eyes, cause it was a little embarrassing how fast he reacted to her.  
The smallest touch, the most innocent kiss, sometimes even a look of her eyes. 

He hoped desperately that he would come out of prison soon, and that courting her didn’t take to long.


	17. free

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Finally Sidney is free, but it's not everything solved yet...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am sorry for the delay, but I rewatched the series and.... yes you know..

The still cold air filled his lounges as he took a deep breath. Eyes closed and enjoying the little warmth of the early spring sun.  
As the air shifted and his heart began to jump in his chest, he knew she approached him silently.  
He stretched his hand in her direction without looking and she took it without any hesitation.  
Sidney opened his eyes and looked directly in Charlottes big with tears glittering eyes.

After Sidney was released from prison this morning he went straight to Lady Worcester’s home, to find Charlotte.  
She was about to leave for him to visit and stood on the stairs a few moments, before she was really realising what was happening.  
Then she ran towards him and through her arms around his middle and cried in his chest heavily.  
In this very moment he knew, what she had hold back all the time.

He closed his eyes and loved her even more for being so strong.  
To hold back all the pain he caused her since last summer, and it all came down at this very moment, as he stood in front of her as a free man again. 

  


Lady Susan invited him for tea, and he asked if they could take it outdoors, he needed the fresh air after weeks in his damp warm prison chamber.  
The last two weeks he was able to left his room, because Charlotte has charmed the guard.  
But it was nothing for the fresh air in Lady Worcester’s garden.

After hours Charlotte let him went home to Bedford Place to settle. Since he couldn’t stay with her.  
Sidney bathed, shaved, took fresh clothed on and stood in the garden of the Parkers home, smiled as he heard his nieces and nephew scream his name.  
He turned and kneeled down to get hugged by them. But something was missing.

All the furniture was at its place, Mary and the children, Arthur and Diana and even Georgiana were there. Something was missing. Sidney knew what.  
Not Tom, he was in Sandition since his moving into debt’s prison. His brother couldn’t bare to see him there.  
Mary had said it was his way to suffer for what he had coursed.  
He missed Charlotte, also they were parted since two hours, it was a permanent pain in his heart and a dull draw in his gut.

"Where is she?“ Georgiana asked. Sidney looked at her in a sad way.  
"You know it isn’t proper..“  
"Oh come on! You were with her alone all night when you rescued me!“ She said shaking her head. "And she visited you every day in the prison, for hours!“  
"Georgiana!“ He hissed, he didn’t want to let a servants talk gossip about his relationship with Charlotte.  
"I know,“ she apologised and told him in a lower voice "but she stayed here last time, and now here are much more people in the house to watch.“ He shook his head at her.  
"Too many people.“ He grinned and walked in the salon.

"Where is Miss Heywood?“ Arthur asked and Diana wanted to know as well.  
"She is packing, she will head home to Willingden.“ Sidney told them.  
"When will you follow?“  
Diana asked. He was surprised by her earnest way to ask. No giggle, no concern, no worry in her voice.  
"She will send me a letter, how it works with her parents, and ...well I have to deal with the bank and...yes, her father would have to know what I can offer her, so...“ He trailed off, gaze looked somewhere, a shadow spread on his face.  
"You can take all my money“ Arthur said, "the rest of it, I mean. Take it. I don’t need it.“  
"Arthur, it’s yours. Maybe one day, you will...“  
"I don’t,“ he whispered, patted his older brothers shoulder and continued, "I wish you to be happy. You deserve it, both of you. After all...“  
Tears brimmed in Sidney’s eyes and he hugged his brother. Although he loved his brother all the more for this offer, he wouldn’t take it. He was not Tom.

The beau monde was excited at the gorgeous bride and the handsome groom. No one spoke about the missing relatives on both sides.  
All spoke about the finest and most expensive dress the Parisian fashion has to offer. It shimmered in a cold gold and was decorated with pearls and small diamonds. Also her veil was made of the finest lace, her hair draped in the latest creation. Her appearance would still be a topic of conversation months later.

Further weddings would emulate them. During the celebrations there were the greatest dishes, the most exquisite delicacies. A fountain, ice sculptures, exotic fruits and champagne in rough quantities. The fact that the new couple had only known each other for three months and that the engagement period was more than short was discussed behind closed doors, but no one really bothered about it. There was also no break in the exuberant mood, that apart from Sir Edward Denham hardly any aristocrats were present.

At the end of the day the future Lady Denham sat across her new and drunken husband in the huge hall in her house. A big grin on his face, he lifted his glass to her and said in his smug voice. 

"My dear Lady Denham, I am so proud of you and the journey we made. Ah..“ He took a sip of his whiskey.  
"I guess my stepsister and her annoying husband were not pleased to be present at our wedding?“ He asked.  
  
"No, they were not.“ Disgust trickled out of her mouth, drunken husbands are the worst.  
"You never told me, you were, you were... so close.“  
  
"Ha, jealous?“ He laughed.  
"Not at all!“ She cried.  
"You even didn’t tell me you were close to the Parkers.“  
"Not so close, like you think.“  
"Engaged to Sidney twice is not close?“  
He laughed at the top of his voice. She continued with a nasty smile on her blank face.  
"I will break them down, with you permission.“ Eliza told him and took a sip of her champagne.  
  
"Oh, you have my permission for everything you want to do my dear Eliza.“ He emptied his glass.  
"But I wonder, why is that?“ He asked in an interested manner, that gave him the impression of being sober. "Are you still in love with Parker?“  
  
"Of course not, I was in love the briefest of moments years ago, and not enough to marry him. But I don’t like, when I want something, and couldn’t get it.“  
"You like to win. Like me, that's why we are so perfect for each other!“ 

Eliza nodded. Her gaze wandered into the distance. 

"You passed him over for me, and that I am very thankful for. Your skills are quite better than mine.“  
"I know.“  
"Now,“ he stood up and walked to her in an unexpected straight way, he took her hand and smiled at his gorgeous wife.  
"Let’s stop talking.“ 

Edward pulled her out of her seat and she smiled knowing, that at least, this duty was better than with her last. Edward was dreadful, pathetic and also disgusting. But also full of ideas in the bedroom. That are all things she liked in a man.  
Now she had everything she ever wanted. Enough money, a handsome husband she could show off and still shape. 

A title, invitations to court would be added. Also Lady Denham's lands, money and power would follow and then she would make life hell for the Parkers.  
Especially for the future Mrs Sidney Parker. She couldn’t dare to lose against a silly young country girl. Why Sidney loved her, she couldn’t understand, but that he did she knew from the first moment she saw him dancing with her. Eliza knew that she only could find peace when she disturbs their happiness. 

What they could do to them lifted her spirit to the highest and she could forgive Edward for tearing her expensive dress into pieces and bend her over the table.  
She liked it. And she would like it even more, to see the Parkers on their knees in front of her.  
Her new husband liked to be by her side as long as she supported him in his own little revenge against the Babbington’s.  
She grinned. Time will tell.

Little did she knew they were all prepared.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for all the support and the lovely comments and kudos!


	18. Willingden

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> nothing ever happens in Willingden...or?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry for the delay, but now it comes to an end, and I tried to make it right..

Every time she sat alone in a carriage, the tears came.  
She could not prevent it. The memories of the cruel day on the cliff top permeated all her thinking. Although she knew that he was now bound to her and he loved her, there was always this little gnawing pain of uncertainty that broke every time she had to part with him.  
Every day as she left the prison and the gate was locked behind her, the wave of finality came back. Charlotte knew this feeling so well, it was a part of her now. She had expected nothing less than to see him close the door of the carriage. The look and expression on his face was similar to that on the cliff tops months ago.  
Only this time he tried to smile, but he didn't really succeed.

"Wait, wait, wait!“ He shouted and opened the door again. He went inside to her, knelt down before her and pressed her to himself.  
"I love you."  
And then he pressed a letter into her hand, the love letter, which he had started all those weeks ago and had never given to her.  
Charlotte stroked him slightly over his face and held his gaze.  
"Please.“  
He begged and she knew exactly what he meant. Please hurry. Please convince your parents. Please write to me.  
Please come back to me.

Charlotte nodded and gave him a gentle kiss before he went out. To take the edge off fateful situations, you have to change them, she thought.  
And instead of waiting until he locked the door, she closed it. She thought of everything positive, of all the good in him, of everything the future hold for them.  
And an honest smile brightened her face and despite tears in Sidney's eyes, he could smile too.

But now that she had repeatedly read his letter and tried to look at everything neutrally, the shadow of doubt lay over her. Charlotte felt infinitely alone.  
And the fear of a premonition scurried through her thoughts. Would father give her permission to marry him? How would he think about him and her relationship if he learned everything? How would her parents take it that they have been lied by their daughter for months? Would they think badly of Sidney? How long would it take to get him back in her arms?

Charlotte fell asleep over her thoughts and the headaches that arose. She dreamed of Sidney, the cliffs, their tragic love story, and their fights. His evil words, her evil words. But still she felt warmth. The warmth of love and certainty. It was him. They belonged together. Their love and affection would also endure and overcome this step backwards. And with this positive thought, Charlotte awoke. Only three miles away from Willingden.

Her parents and siblings hugged her, as if she had been away for years not only for weeks. But her mother hugged her the most and whispered in her ear,  
"I am so glad you are back.“  
"I wasn’t gone so long.“ Charlotte answered confounded.  
"You were not yourself the last time you came back. But this time you are the old, spirited one I’ve missed so desperately.“ Her mother brushed tears away.  
"I guess, there is a certain someone, who helped your fancy coming back?“ She asked.  
Charlotte blushed and her mother smiled knowing.  
"I guess, you have to tell us some news?“.  
Unable to put everything she was feeling into words she only nodded. Her mother told her to wait till the younger children would head to bed this evening, and than they could talk.

  


  


"You're saying that your..." Mr Heywood cleared his throat "...future husband, was forced to get engaged for money to save his brother from prison. But to be with you, he took over the debt and went to jail?"  
"Yes, Father,"  
"...and he saved Georgiana from kidnappers, you from worse?"  
"Yes, but..."  
"He left the sugar trade because of slavery and freed the slaves with his friend, Georgie’s father. And because of this friendship he took over the responsibility as her guardian?  
"Yes, he did..."  
"So, you tell me that... that he is a good man. Even a hero. And you're still afraid that I won't give my permission?"  
"Yes."  
"Why?"  
"Because now I know that you don't always get what you want."  
"And you want to be with him."  
Charlotte nodded.  
"Tell me why," her father asked with a grin.  
"Because of everything I told you."  
"And what didn't you tell me?" Her father asked earnest. 

Charlotte blushed, swallowed and gathered all her strength to tell her father what she had told her mother before.  
"I love him."  
He looked at her as if he was waiting for more.  
"He loves me. We are partners, he supports me and treats me equally. He warms me inside. He makes me a whole person."  
Tears glittered in their eyes.  
"He makes me happy, although it was very difficult to come here."  
She looked down on her lap at her hands.  
"Yes," said Mr Heywood.  
"What? Are you saying...?" She asked incredulously.  
"After all you've been through, you both must be happy. But..." He grinned, Charlotte pulled in the air sharply, alarmed about what was coming.  
"He must show it to me.“ Her father said.  
"What?" Charlotte smiled because she knew.  
"That he is worthy of you."  
Her father grinned, he intended a small punishment, not cruel or evil, but because she had not been honest.  
And for Sidney, well..., he was the man who would steal his eldest daughter.

"So tell me, Papa." She begged.  
"You'll see." He shook his head and laughed.  
"Now go and write him. I guess at the end of the week we'll be able to welcome him here."  
Charlotte has never written a letter so quickly and impersonally. She only wrote a short hello and told him to hurry.  
Tears of happiness smudged the ink a little. She ran out of the house to walk to the post office, but immediately noticed that it was in the middle of the night.  
She had to wait until morning.

  


  


Sidney was early. Two days before they expected him. Or better one and a half, because he arrived in the middle of the night.  
He slept at the Inn and reached the Heywood farm in the very morning. A few of the children were eating breakfast, some of them studied with their mother and Charlotte was out hunting with two of her brothers and Alison.

"So here you are." Mr Heywood said after their greetings. "I've heard a lot about you, but I wonder..."   
Sidney looked a little worried.  
"When did you fall in love with my daughter?"  
"Oh."   
Sidney snorted nervously, expecting every kind of question, but not this one. He didn't know what Charlotte had told her parents about her acquaintance. But he tried to answer truthfully.  
"Hmm, yes... um... She is funny, her temperament is frightening, she is very intelligent and..."  
"I asked when not why, Mr Parker. I just want to see if you're consistent."  
"When I have to name a time,...I..." He said and remembered the moment. He had to tell the truth.  
"I guess I fell in love with her when I asked my sister-in-law if Charlotte was her new maid.“  
Both laughed.  
  


After Charlotte came home from the hunt and a greeting eyed by her parents passed between the lovesick couple, her father and Sidney stayed in the study to talk about the details. An hour later they called her and after their argument about the wedding date, they agreed that they would marry in the second week of May because the season was about to start in Sanditon.  
Since nothing ever happened in Willingden, there were no problems to organize it in this short time.

  
  


Mr Heywood allowed them a walk so Charlotte could show Sidney the little estate.  
As soon as they were out of sight, Sidney pulled Charlotte by the elbows and pushed her into the shadow of the trees.  
"At last."  
He smiled. They looked deep into their eyes and could not speak.  
Because of the overwhelming feelings they embraced each other and stood still for a long time.  
When they had to return, Sidney kissed both her hands. Charlotte grabbed his neck and pulled him down to her so that their lips touched gently for a final kiss.


	19. little punishment

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The little punishment from her father to divide the two before the wedding turns into an unbearable state until ..

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sidney with rolled-up sleeves...  
I ... just had to do it ...

Mr Heywood was a simple man. A gentleman, a farmer, a loving father and husband.  
But he amused himself by observing people and push them to they limits, in a teasing way.  
He told his daughter, he want to see if Mr Parker is resistant and able to make his hands dirty. And he was surprised to see, that Mr Parker was more than that.

  


"For a wealthy gentleman you very capable to the farmers duty.“ He told his future son-in-law.  
"Thank you, Sir.“ Sidney answered. "When I first arrived in Antigua, I worked on a cattle ranch.“  
"And you assisted by all this?“ Mr Heywood gestured to the stables, which they looked over for damage after the snowy winter and repaired what was broken.  
"Yes, and I helped my father as well.“ Answered Sidney, who took of his waistcoat and rolled his sleeves up. It was very warm for late April.  
"I thought your father was an industrialist or a businessman as you are?“  
"Yes, but he repaired everything on the house by himself, it was like... he wanted to do something with his hands, he was very proud of it.“ Sidney smiled by the memory of his father.  
"I see,“ the older man changed the topic, "So you are a practical one, not such a.... visionary like your brother?“  
More assumptions? Sidney thought and knew where Charlotte has her curiosity from. He smirked before he answered.  
"My brother is a visionary and a dreamer, I may say. I have no problem to get my hands dirty. I like that, somehow.“  
Shrugged Sidney and kept working. His soon to be father-in-law laughed and told him.  
"Something else you two fit very well.“

Sidney realized that Mr Heywood had two things in mind with the work. One was to test him and get to know him and the other was to keep the two lovers away from each other, even though they were so close.  
He came over from the Inn every morning, started his work with Mr Heywood or one of Charlotte's brothers and barely got to see her. Except for a greeting in which they stood too far apart and the little walk at his departure. They hardly had a chance to talk to each other.  
There was always at least one of the siblings or even her parents present.

It didn't make the whole thing any easier, either, that he had the feeling that she would become more beautiful every day. Her blushed cheeks made her eyes shine, the partly already strong sun was shining through her eyes and for her ambition to always be outside, her skin was slightly tinted and whenever she wore a different dress, with a slightly different collar, one could see the difference to the paler skin. Sidney could hardly hide his thoughts when she stood near him and he could hardly control himself anymore not to reach for her. Fortunately, they were never alone, otherwise he would have grabbed, kissed and seduced her. No matter where they were.

Charlotte could hardly stand those feelings in her anymore. She wanted to be alone with him, longing for his warmth and his kisses. Since it was clear when the wedding would take place, the days seemed to pass much more slowly and her parents had forged a pact never to leave them alone. She could hardly hide her thoughts behind her trained mask of indifference. Her cheeks blushed as soon as she felt his presence. Her dreams were confusing and intoxicating and made her body react to the slightest of him. When he stood in front of her in the morning, freshly shaved and with a penetrating look, she thought he knew exactly what she was going through.  
His voice, a deep rough murmur, vibrated through her body and she could only lower the gaze, formulate a brief greeting before quickly leaving the room.

When she watched him at work with her father or when she visited the stables, she could not turn her eyes away from him. She stared at his strong forearms, the muscles played while he swung the hammer. She could only think of the arms snaking around her body and pressing her against him. When he then lifted up a heavy beam with the help of her brothers and his shirt slipped out of his breeches and revealed some of his muscular back, she had to turn away with a bright red head and hurry away without a word. Because her memories of his naked body down by the cove, and the feeling of the urge to touch him so she would not go mad, were too overwhelming.

When Sidney stayed for dinner and he sat at the other end of the table, she had the feeling that he touched her with his gaze. Sometimes she caught him staring at her and the heat returned to her face and flowed through her body. Sometimes he was almost dismissive of her and could barely look at her. The familiar pain of insecurity stabbed her heart again, but mostly Sidney could take away her doubts with a softly mumbled sentence. 

"I can't take it anymore." He whispered then. or  
"I want to be alone with you." He mumbled into her ear when he pushed her chair right and then mostly added quietly,  
"But I'm lucky we're not." Then she looked at him in question and he clenched his jaw and went to his place.

Later, when he said goodbye or she was allowed to accompany him with one of her brothers, he continued his sentence.  
"...Otherwise I might not be able to behave like a gentleman anymore."  
Charlotte then blushed even more, she probably looked like an overripe strawberry, her face glowing and her heart seeming to jump out of her chest. It tickled and tingled in her body and when he then took her hands into his to kiss the knuckles, she swayed slightly and could barely keep her breathing still.

"Soon."  
Sidney said quietly and his gaze pierced her with such intensity that she felt it in her deepest heart how much he loved and desired her. Depending on which of her brothers accompanied her, this was the end or he tried to involve him in a conversation to hold her hands longer. If so, he painted small circles on the back of her hands, played tenderly with her fingers or, depending on the tension, pressed her hands so hard that it almost hurt.

Her brother John reminded Sidney of Arthur in a way. He seemed to be the only one who had some sympathy for the lovers and tried again and again to give them some space. During the evening walk, it was difficult, because the way was good to see from the main house. However, he hummed a little melody to not overhear their conversation, bent over to tie his shoe and let them run a few steps forward, sometimes he even turned around and looked after the birds in the sky, although none were to be seen at all.

  


On one of those walks, he arranged to meet Sidney for the next morning. He discovered a defect in the sheep's fence and they could repair it tomorrow without their father.  
"On the hill behind, there's not much to do, but a half hour walk."  
"I don't mind."  
Said Sidney with a smile and said goodbye to Charlotte with a last longing look.  
She looked just as longingly after her fiancé and tears glittered in her eyes, for every little farewell made her remember the one big one all those months ago.  
She had quickly grasped herself again and a broad grin brightened her face as her dear brother explained to her.  
"You could come with me or at least follow us with a little picnic tomorrow."  
"I'll be happy to do that." She answered and took his arm.  
"Finally you have to separate for a whole week and it would be nice...", he started.  
"If we could perhaps... erm..discuss one or the other...?"  
She asked him in an innocent tone. John grinned and nodded to his sister.

Charlotte couldn't really find peace all night. Too excited if she would finally get the chance to kiss Sidney again tomorrow before she wouldn't see him for a whole week. It was only eight days until the wedding, but they passed too slowly.  
The next morning it took her a little longer to get dressed than usual. Finally she put on the dress she had worn at the cricket game, and put a woollen jacket over it, as it was still a bit fresh in the morning. Later she packed a small basket of bread and cheese and her mother gave her a light wine and a blanket.  
With a knowing smile, she then sent her away.

Even from a distance, Sidney saw she was tense. Her hands kept stroking over her dress or through her hair, she bit her lower lip and her gaze wandered nervously around. When she finally stood just a few steps away from him, he would have loved to sink to his knees. Her cheeks reddened, her eyes sparkling, her thick curls shining in the warm midday sun. She stripped off the coarse jacket and when he saw her naked arms, he had to swallow and look away for a moment.

"Oh, thank you, Charlie!" John shouted and reached into the basket. He spread out the blanket and put the food ready while the couple was unable to do anything but stare at each other.  
"You look very pretty." Sidney whispered.  
"Thank you." She said embarrassed, as if he had never said anything like this to her before.  
"That's what I would have liked to say back then." He mumbled and reached for her hand to lead her to the blanket.  
"Really?” She asked astonished, she never would have thought that possible.  
"Yes. With your dishevelled hair and the broad grin..."  
"You also grinned." She reminded him and handed him a glass of wine.

"I have to stretch my legs, you're excuse me." John said and walked up the hill and left into a small clearing.  
"I like your brother." Sidney said and smiled at her with that smile that made hers disappear.  
"Kiss me."  
She asked and before she had finished the sentence, his lips lay on hers. Slowly, calmly and infinitely tenderly, he kissed her, stroking her face with both hands. The feeling was so overwhelming that she couldn't control herself, and took his face in her hands too.  
Soon afterwards it got a little more and before they knew it, she pressed herself so passionately to him that she pressed him to the blanket and she lay half on top of him. One of his hands wandered down her back and pushed her firmer into his side. The other held her face and slowly griped her hair. As he began to stroke her scalp, she moaned and gasped for air. He used this opportunity to kiss her neck. Although he wanted to let it happen, he got away from pulling her to him. Instead, he pushed himself up until they sat again. Sidney didn't stop kissing her, her mouth, face and neck. The heat was so overwhelming that he had to ripe off his scarf as he feared to burn.

Charlotte still held his face in both hands and now felt the bare skin on his neck. She let her fingers slide down, scratched and stroked the sensitive skin until he freed himself from her lips with a breathless groan and gasped for air. She just couldn't resist kissing his neck now. First she put little sweet kisses on the heated skin and his breath went faster. When she imitated what he had done to her before, licking the tender skin and sucking slightly, his grip tightened and he moaned her name.  
This spurred her on all the more and as she wandered to his throat and kissed him between the hollows of his clavicles he pulled her head back.  
His gaze was so intense, she thought she saw the embers behind it.

"Charlotte" he whispered. She looked at him breathlessly and waited for the coming words to stop her from continuing.  
"We must..."  
"I know," she mumbled and nodded. It was really unbelievable what they had done, after all someone could have come by at any time.  
Sidney's face went through thousands of emotions. His look told her a thousand things and she understood them all and leaned a little away from him to show him that. But he pulled her back towards him once more, kissed her passionately until she hung in his arm again completely overwhelmed. With his lips open, he grazed her mouth and couldn't keep his tongue from stroking slightly over her lips.

She pulled the air in sharply at this sensation and the pulsating feeling in her body became even stronger.  
With big eyes she looked at him in amazement and her breathing went so fast that he was afraid she would get dizzy.  
"Forgive me."  
But he didn’t look guilty. He grinned.

Before she could return anything, John called out from afar that he hoped they had left him some of the wine.


	20. the wedding

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> at last...the wedding

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I researched a lot about the regency weddings and I hope I created a realistic one.
> 
> Hope you enjoy!

Charlotte woke up with a headache. That was the worst of all thing she could imagine at her wedding date. As she went downstairs her mother saw immediately that something was wrong and came to her side.

"You are nervous.“  
She declared and led Charlotte to the table, offered her a cup of tea and a small sandwich, but Charlotte could only drink the tea. She closed her eyes to hold back the tears, because of the headache, which hurt in the back of her head and neck on this important day. How could she be able to say her vows and keep up the whole day with this?

"Charlie,“ her mother addressed her "it’s usual to be nervous. Don’t be afraid, drink your tea and eat a little bit. We have enough time...“  
Charlotte nodded and excused herself to went outside and took a deep breath of the fresh morning air to calm her nerves and push the headache away.  
How was Sidney doing, she wondered. If he was calm or nervous, like he claimed yesterday afternoon as they parted.

  


"I am the wriggly one at the altar.“ He told her as he kissed her hands and walked away.  
After one long week absence she wondered if he would kiss her tender or passionately, but he didn’t kiss her at all!  
Sidney said, he wanted to kiss her next time as Mrs Parker. As if he feared she wouldn't marry him if she didn't have a kiss in prospect.

Her mother stepped outside too, tug her daughter in her arms and calmed her with this sweet little melodies she always sang, when one of her children was hurt, sad or overwhelmed with feelings. With that Charlotte calmed and followed her mother inside do get prepared for her wedding.

  


Sidney was really the fidgety one. More like a wreck. He was nervous and plucked and pulled on his cream silk tie, it seemed to be too tight and only when his best man Lord Babington hit his hands with more force than the dozens of times before, he let it go.

"Calm down. It's Miss Heywood, your Charlotte you're meeting there. Finally you're where you've wanted to be for almost a year."  
"I know."  
"It's much more exciting for her." Sidney looked up at his friend in alarm after plucking an imaginary lint from his breeches.  
"It's not just the celebration, and the focus of attention..." Babbington smiled at him.  
"What?"  
Sidney couldn't concentrate on what his friend was talking about, he was trying to set his pocket watch for the hundredth time.  
"Sidney!"  
"Yes?"  
"Don't you think she'll be very nervous about... what's to come later?"  
Babbington asked amusedly and Sidney slowly understood what he was talking about.  
"Oh."  
"Yes, you have to show her that everything is alright. She has nothing to fear."  
"Yes. Alright." Said Sidney, not really convinced.  
"You must be the stronger one...",  
"...but that's her!" Sidney interrupted his friend.  
"..for once then, please?“ Babbington laughed and nodded to his friend.  
"Alright." Sidney straightened his coat again. "Oh, Lord." he hissed.  
"I know," Babbington laughed again, "...but pretend you have everything under control."

  


As Charlotte stood in front of the small church of Willingden she griped the arm of her father further and took a shaky breath. She looked up to him, smiled a nervous smile and looked over her shoulder, to see if the veil is smooth and without any crease. He father huffed and said to her in a teasing way,  
"He stands in front of the altar.“  
Charlotte looked up and a calmness came over her, which she missed the whole morning.  
"He is waiting for you.“ Now she smiled for the first time at this day.  
"Or did you want to turn and leave?“ He teased her.  
"No!“ She answered vehemently, her father grinned and pulled her closer.  
"Come on, let the poor guy not wait any longer.“  
Charlotte laughed quietly. She took another deep breath, and as the doors of the church opened, she stepped in without hesitation.

Sidney was excited and nervous. He stood in front of the altar and looked nowhere else. As he tried to distract himself, he imagined the dress she would wear. Would it be like her first ball gown of soft white muslin, with that cute little blue bow and blue ribbon that distracted him in the most pleasant way? Or would she wear something similar to this gorgeously elegant golden dress? Or similar to the midsummer-ball gown in which she looked most like herself?

He was always attracted to Charlotte. Her big deep brown eyes with these long lashes, her sweet little nose with the seven and a half freckles, her soft full lips. The sweet dimple on her chin, her long and graceful neck. This beauty spot on her right shoulder that drove him mad. Not to mention her other.... features. The curve of her décolleté, her perfect waist. And the shape of her legs, of which he saw a glimpse as he tore her petticoat to help Mr Stringer. Her wild curls, in which he always wants to push his hands. This is the most beautiful Charlotte.  
His Charlotte. Hair down, blown by the wind in all directions, rosy cheeks, the brightest smile, sparkling eyes.

He closed his eyes and imagined her.

Only when he heard the doors open he opened his eyes again, smiled and was suddenly so calm, as if a warm blanket had been placed around him. He turned and looked with tears in his eyes to the love of his life as she approached, guided by her father.  
Charlotte.  
He was overwhelmed with all the feelings tickling inside of him. It seemed as if the whole world disappeared, there were only the two of them. They locked their eyes and saw straight into each other’s souls. Both smiled and tears of joy tickled in her eyes.

Charlotte. 

She was so beautiful. A dream of cream muslin and lace. Simple, pure and innocent. But still overwhelming lovely. It covered almost completely her cleavage, but in such a sensual way, he had to gulp twice, before he could look in to her eyes again. The ribbon under her breast was the same bronze ton as his waistcoat. As much he could recognize under her veil were the same field-flowers like her bridal bouquet.

Sidney then took her right hand in his and at the touch, their breath of them calmed even more and they looked expectantly to the vicar. They only felt each other, heart trembling, hand clutched to another. When Georgina, Charlotte’s maid of honour, took the bouquet out of her hands, she registered that her part was coming now. She said her part of her vows without remember the words, it was all too overwhelming. Sidney was stunned as well, as it was his turn. He shove the ring on her forth finger of her left hand and declared with a firm voice.  
  
"With this ring I thee wed, with my body I thee worship, and with all my worldly goods I thee endow. In the Name of the Father, and of the Son, and the Holy Ghost. Amen.”

They got the communion, which they did not really taste, heard prayers they didn't really understand and signed the papers without really noticing it. Congratulations of the vicar they didn't hear, because they heard only their hearts singing to each other.

Eyes stayed locked till they left the church, Charlotte didn’t know how she got there, as she didn’t remember she had moved at all. Sidney didn’t lose the grip on her fingers, it was firm and warm and gave her so much strength to hold on even longer. The first thing she would remember later were his low whisper in her ear,

"At last“. She chuckled then and he spoke further in his low voice,  
"I love you so much, Mrs Parker.“ And a shiver run through her.  
"I love you too, Mr Parker.“  
She answered slowly and smiled up at him. It was difficult not to kiss him. It was improper to do so, they have to wait. He gripped her fingers firmer as he kissed her knuckles.

The loud shouts of the congratulations of the crowds and the rice they tossed above them were the first thing Charlotte noticed outside their own little bubble of happiness.  
Then they reached her parents' house, where tents were set up on the field to have the wedding breakfast, the wedding cake was placed in front of them. Charlotte noticed at that moment that she was very hungry. Her stomach growled.  
"I didn't have breakfast either."  
He remarked and seemed happier than ever before. She got a knife in her hand to cut a piece for her husband. Sidney took his bite and gave it back to her. All the time her eyes never left his and all the guests were witnesses of two people and their love that flicker in the air around them.

The village musicians played a little song, so Georgiana danced with John and Alison with Arthur. The children were running around. The couple was constantly prevented from being together by their guests. Both looked at each other from the distance and whenever they tried to get in that direction, another guest came to involve them in a conversation.  
But at one moment Sidney caught a glimpse of her, when she talked to Mary. Her delicate veil fluttering behind her because of the wind, some of the little flowers in her hair falling down and lying on her collar. The thin dress swayed behind her, showing her curves once again in the most distracting way, and Sidney knew what he had to do.

Without saying a word, he left Crowe, with whom he had spoken, and approached her. Charlotte felt him before she heard or saw him and immediately turned in his direction. Everything seemed calm and peaceful in the midday sun as Sidney pulled on Charlotte's hand with this words,

"May a have a word, Mrs Parker?“  
And led her into her parents' house. The door was barely closed when he pressed his lips on hers. His kiss was gentle, slow and he caressed her cheek tenderly. She threw her arms around his middle under his black swallowtail and scratched his back. The kiss became more passionate and he grabbed her tighter until they had to separate to take their breath.  
They hugged each other tightly till the annoying voice of Tom Parker cried their names.

"Sidney, Charlotte!“ Both sighed deeply.  
"The carriage is waiting for you, you have to say your goodbyes!“  
Tom explained and the new Mrs And Mr Parker smiled at each other.  
That is it. The ride back to Sanditon. To their new life. 

"Let’s go home, Mr Parker.“

"Together."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tom the worst Parker...


	21. ride home

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tom Parker is.... annoying.

Although Charlotte looked forward to her future with Sidney, she was also sad to say goodbye to her family.  
After invitations were spoken, they settled in the carriage and suddenly her heart flipped around by the imagination, what would happen on this ride back to Sanditon.  
But before they could kiss again, Tom climbed in the carriage as well and made himself comfortable.

"What...?“ Sidney asked in disbelieving and Charlotte griped his fingers tighter.  
"Ah, yes..“ Tom began hesitantly to explain, "Henry got sick, and yes here I am.“  
"But you could ride with Arthur and Diana!“ Sidney spit out, he could only hold back, because Charlotte draw little circles on the back of his hand.  
"Yes, yes, but Miss Lambe had forced them to a quick escape and before I could be aware of it, they ride off.“  
"Tom!“  
Sidney glared at his brother. The older one sighed and looked out oft he window, once again he had failed his beloved brother and Charlotte, tears glittered in his eyes. But the couple looked at each other and laughed about this situation, cause nothing could cloud their mood today. The ever happiness they felt, could not even be disturbed by Tom.

After an hour Charlotte felt asleep on Sidney’s shoulder and he felt completely safe and warm as he hold her in his arms.  
He would love when she would wake up refreshed and rested to celebrate their happiest day extensive... later.  
He smiled by the imagination to pluck all the flowers out of her hair, to loose it from the pins and push his hands in her wild locks.  
Before he drifted away he started a quiet conversation with his brother. 

Then the time had come to wake Charlotte up. After a few moments she blinked and smiled up at him with sparkling eyes.

"Sorry that I fell asleep on you, Mr Parker.“ Her voice a raspy whisper, which thrilled his body.  
"It was my pleasure, Mrs Parker.“ He answered an kissed her forehead.  
"Where are we going?“  
"One of the new buildings, Charlotte.“ Tom answered. "They are currently uninhabited and Sidney said that you liked the view over the cove.“  
"Yes!“   
Charlotte was excited. Sidney smiled and interrupted his brother, before he lost himself again in his affections toward the architecture.  
"We own the little one, on the right side. It’s more...private.“ She gripped his hand by the meaning behind his words. 

Certainly Tom was not aware of it and told her more about the little house.

"You have a beautiful sight from the terrace and from the small garden you can directly went to the cliff tops. Sidney thought you would like it.“  
She was only able to nod.

When they finally arrived, the others were already there.  
The children tossed flowers, as they exited the carriage, Mary, Diana and Georgiana smiled and talked through each other, which benefits were the most exciting ones. The best was that it had a little separate storey in which Georgiana could live. 

"But the first weeks I would stay at Trafalgar House..“ She whispered to Charlotte as they stood on the terrace and looked over the ocean.  
"..Till you both.. erm, have settled in.“ Charlotte immediately blushed.

Georgiana grinned knowing and Charlotte realized, that maybe her friend knew more about.....love, as she did.  
Of course she knew a bit, after all, the grew up on a farm, but she was still curios about what would happen.....exactly.  
What it would feel like to be near him in everyway. To touch his skin and to be touched by him.  
At this thought her heart began hammering in her chest, her cheeks burned and her longing to be near him was almost unbearable.

As the guests went home after a small refreshment, Sidney met her in the kitchen.  
Without a word he hugged her, kissed her tenderly and stroke his nose over her neckline.  
Breathing hard they separated a bit, but clung to each other.  
He thought he couldn’t make it to the bedroom and began to open the buttons on the back of her dress.

"Ah, Sidney.“  
Tom annoying voice startled them. Charlotte duck her head and Sidney turned to glare angry to his brother.  
"Tom! What are you doing?“  
"I have to talk to you ....“  
Sidney walked towards him and led him in the salon, so Charlotte could gather herself and went upstairs.  
After half an hour she heard Sidney screaming at Tom, she went to the door and open it a bit.

"Tom, today is the happiest day of my life, so I am very forgivable, but I swear to god, if you not leave immediately I will punch you!“  
"Sidney!“ Tom called alarmed.  
"It’s my wedding day, for god’s sake! The most stunning woman is waiting upstairs and my annoying brother is talking business to me.“  
"Sidney, I am so sorry, I thought....she would be sleeping, she looked exhausted.“ Tom declared. 

"Tom! Go now!“ Sidney growled.  
"Yes, yes. I’m sorry.“  
Charlotte heard the front door open, but before it shuts she heard Sidney’s words, which burned into her soul and her stomach flipped around.

"And don’t expect us till Saturday.“ Sidney said calmly.  
"Alright.“ The other answered in a small voice.

"Saturday, next week!“ Sidney determined and shut the door loudly.


	22. finally

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> finally they....

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> what should i say?  
Hope you enjoy reading, like me writing it.

Charlotte was standing at the window in her dressing gown, her now loose hair freed of all the little flowers and pins, she looked out to see Tom disappear.  
Her breath was steady, but her heart trembled in her chest, she was nervous about what would happen next.  
A long sigh escaped her lips and she pressed her forehead to the window.

"What is it?“ He asked from behind, she didn’t even knew he was standing in the doorframe and watched her.  
"I..,“ she began, "I don’t know.“  
"Are you nervous?“ He asked with his deep dark voice and she shivered.  
"Y..yes.“ She whispered.

"Don’t.“ Now he was standing behind her. The warmth from his body run trough her and a heat in her belly sprayed all over her body.  
"May I?“ He asked and his fingers stopped before they could touch her forearms, which she hold on the window bench.  
"Sure!“ Her voice was shaking.  
Sidney touched her arms, and a burning heat run through them, and both let out a breath of relief.  
Swallowing, because he was desperate to touch her, but he held back, he was on edge.  
Near her, he couldn’t think, he wanted to stretch the prelude to show her how much he loved her.  
But he knew he wasn’t able to hold back anymore, so he run his fingers over her arm to her shoulders buried his face and hands in her hair. 

Sidney pressed his chest against her back, Charlotte inhaled a deep breath and leaned against him.  
Now he was shaking and he embraced her with his arms and pressed their bodies together, there was no space between them.  
Her breath hitched as he snuggled her neck and pressed a sweet little kiss against her smooth skin.

"Charlotte.“ He whispered against her skin. She couldn’t answer, her body was floating and she didn’t know if she had a voice at all.  
"Charlotte“ he tried again.  
"Yes?“ It was a very quiet whisper.  
"I love you.“ Tears prickled in his eyes.  
"I love you so much, you know?“ 

She shook her head to tease him and his huff tickled her neck even more.

"Why is that you don’t believe me?“  
"You have to... show me.“ She said shyly. Oh Lord!  
"Please forgive me.“ He chuckled and kissed her neck under her earlobe and she trembled.  
"I tried to hold back and I...“ He trailed kisses to her shoulder and she leaned her head to the side to give him better access.  
A little moan escaped her, as he sucked lightly on her skin.  
"I was afraid.... I would ruin it.“ He laughed insecure and it broke the tension and she seemed to relax somehow and leaned even harder to him.  
"I love you, love you, love you.“ He was whispering and kissing his way to the other side of her neck.

Charlotte's moan was shaky and he held her even tighter. Sidney trailed little kisses on her cheek and slowly turned her to face him.  
The blush on her face let her eyes sparkle, and he kissed her forehead from one side to the other. Her eyes, her nose.  
Teasing her even further, till she couldn’t hold back any more and closed her eyes in expectation of a kiss. 

But instead he cradled her face with both hands. She opened her eyes again and with tears brimmed in them, they locked their gaze.  
So much feelings written all over the face and the deep brown of her eyes.  
He released them both from the unbearable tension by tilting his head and finally pressing his warm lips softly on hers.  
They didn’t move, they just stood still and get lost in the feeling, to be so close. His grip on her face was light, as he slowly detached himself from her, only a little.  
To take one last look into her eyes, a little smile on his lips and he kissed her again. Soft and slowly, oh so painfully slow.  
As he tried to catch his breath, Charlotte followed his lips. Hesitantly she touched his and shyly wrapped her arms around him.  
He gasped as she touched his back through his clothes. She spread her fingers to get hold of more.

Sidney stepped back and opened his waistcoat, let it drop to the floor and her shaking fingers began to open his cravat and the first button of his shirt.  
She was desperate to feel his skin and stroke tenderly over his collarbone. Goose bumps sprayed over his body as he reached for her and kissed her passionately.  
A light touch of his tongue on her upper lip let her take a deep breath.  
One hand grasped her loose hair to change the angle a little. Deepening the kiss, his tongue found hers to start the dance.  
The hand stilled on her cheek caressed slowly down her neck, fingers flew light as feathers over her skin.  
A tingling sensation started on her collarbone and spread everywhere his skin touched hers. 

He stroked lightly above the collar of her dressing gown and followed the line to her shoulder. There his grip tightened and she groaned of this surprising feeling.  
Their lips separated and he began to trail kisses over her jaw, down her neck.  
One hand still gripped in her hair, to hold her head, the other continued its journey.

Slipped over the silky sleeves to find her hand. Charlotte breathed heavily as he continued to stroke her neck with his tongue and sucked on the particular spot right under her ear. When her knees seemed to give way, his arm wrapped around her small waist and pressed her against his solid body even more.  
This time he groaned at the contact and stopped kissing her neck. Pressing his forehead against hers panting heavily.  
Charlottes arms that had lost their hold around him when he kissed her, now slid around him again and she managed to push her head into his chest.  
The drumming of his heart reflected hers, rushing in her ears. 

"I love you.“  
She managed to say. They stood there a little while, before he took his arms under her knees and around her back and carried her to the bed.  
He laid her down, went over to the other side, sat down and took of his shoes and stockings.

First he was a little disappointed that she was already in her nightdress and dressing gown, because he had imagined how he would undress her of her wedding dress slowly, but now he was very satisfied she did.

"Mrs Parker.“ 

He said in a teasing way and grinned lightly as he laid down on the soft mattress on his side to face her.  
She looked at him trough her eyelashes, her doe eyes bigger and darker as usual.  
His stomach twitched at her raspy voice.

"Mr Parker?“ 

His eyes were almost black, he touched her shoulder and stroke down her arm slowly. As he reached her hand he led it to his lips and kissed her knuckles.  
Slipping closer, he began the journey of his sliding fingers. Up her arm to the harm of her collar, slowly stroked the exposed skin of her neckline.  
Tugging the material little bit more open, he stroked with one finger the line above her breasts. Her breath caught in her throat and she flushed even more.  
He closed the distance and kissed her softly, her hand touched his face and she seemed desperate to be near him, like he was. 

Untie the ribbon on her waist, he led his hand slid under the silky material and gasped as he noticed she didn’t wear a night gown at all.

She was shivering under his touch and pressed herself even more to him, the kissing became more and more passionate and she pulled him closer to her.  
Gliding her fingers under his shirt and as if it was a secret sign, he slipped away from her.  
A small pain of disappointment and insecurity washed over her for a blink of an eye, till she understood he was just taking off his shirt in one smooth move.  
He laid back immediately and pressed further to her to kiss her deeper than before, she got light-headed.  
As he let her breath again, he opened her dressing gown completely.  
Looking at her in awe, swallowing and could only manage to tell her with a raspy voice.

"I love you... you are.. magnificent...amazing...incredibly... so beautiful.“

Charlotte couldn’t understand really what he was saying, since her blood was rushing in her ears.  
The sensation of his fingers and lips on her skin all over her body was so overwhelming and breath-taking she didn’t even know if she was still alive.  
Dizzy and flooded with feelings she thought things, she didn’t knew if she told him loudly or if the words were only in her head.

"Oh...Sidney...love you...“

After he freed of his breeches and the material which clung to her feverish body he laid on top of her.  
He stilled and searched her eyes. 

"If something.... you don’t like... if it hurts....please tell me, I will stop instantly.“

Charlotte looked up to him with her big eyes and nodded.  
Sidney tilted his head and kissed her breasts slowly, as he slide his arms under her back to her shoulders.  
Supported on his forearms he touched her face.  
They locked their gaze and the burning sensation in their eyes overwhelmed by love, let tears prickling.  
His lips grazed hers and she shivered again and moved her legs a little underneath him. 

And finally they were able to become one.


	23. Sidney

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Charlotte tries to let Sidney sleep but can not keep her hands off him ...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I had to get rid of that

Observing Sidney in his dreams was fascinating. He looked younger and relaxed. A light smile was on his lips, his face an emotional mirror. His brow was wrinkled but in a lovely and not angry way. As his lips parted and a small moan escaped him, light shivers run down her body. Oh, how she wanted to know what was on his mind in this very moment! 

Maybe he dreamed of her. Of the things they have done before. She blushed at the memory, what he had done. Touched every inch of her. Kissed every inch of her. Everywhere!  
Her heart hammered in her chest and a sparkling went through her. Sidney had worshiped her, like he promised in his vows hours ago. She couldn’t imagine it would even get better.

But it did....

He deserved to sleep and rest after... everything. And she wanted to give him everything he needed. Although she was curious how it would be, when he wake up? How would it be to share the life with him?

She was distracted of his naked body next to her.  
Would it be always, like it was the first time? So all consuming and intoxicating?  
Would he always react the way he did? His moaning in her ear as she scratched his back, grabbed his hair, and stroked his stubble. The firmer grip of his fingers as she kissed his neck and sucked at his pulse point.  
It would be interesting to get to know all this....special feelings and noises she could get out of him.

First Charlotte traced his face with her gaze but she couldn’t resist the urge to touch him. Slipping closer, she traced a feather light touch of her fingertips above his cheek, he leant in her hand but didn’t woke up. Surely it wouldn’t disturb his dreams, when she fondle tenderly over his brows and eyelids, his nose, his lips.

  


A whirlpool of colour and light glided through his dreams. A blurred sound. Her laughter as he tickled her, her voice whispering his name, her sweet little moan as he caressed her sensitive skin. She literally glowed in the setting sun that bathed the room in golden light as he had stripped her of her dressing gown. The flush ran over her body. Smooth and soft pressed against him, more and more by every touch. 

To breath in the fragrance of wildflowers and grass and her special own scent, it was intoxicating. He took his time to taste her ravishing sweet flavour. He moaned in his dreamed memory.

Charlotte's beaming eyes sucked him in. She pulled him in. Into these eyes. The magical conversation of her gaze....  
The twitching of the inevitable pain, but the immediate replacement of the fascination of being one. The love she felt for him radiated from her as he buried himself in her. She was enchanting. Golden as the setting sun in front of the window.

Charlotte. Charlotte.

Slowly he emerged from the warm bubble of happiness as he felt her tenderly fingers caressed his face, like she did as he made love to her. A light touch stroked his collarbone and the dip between it. A tickling feeling on his chest that was followed by her touch was exceeded by the sensation of her kissing his sensitive skin. She stroked his shoulders, his neck and followed the path with her sweet lips and ended again on his chest. Breathed his name and tender words above his rumbling heart. 

Sidney registered that he wasn’t dreaming anymore and opened his eyes slowly but he couldn’t see her face. Like a curtain her hair covered it as she caressed his chest with her small fingers. Like she did earlier. The memory of her fingers stroking his neck and gripped in the short end of his hair strongly as she gasped for air flooded his mind. Charlotte noticed immediately that he was awake.  
Every part of him.

  


Although the room was now dark, he could see her blushing. She was caught exploring his body and closed her eyes in embarrassment. This aroused him even more and he grabbed the back of her head and caught her lips with his. She groaned at the sudden intensity. The feelings whirling through her body made her tremble. He wrapped his arm around her back and pulled her even closer. Charlotte drove her fingers into his hair and stroked his scalp. He had to gasp for air. He has never felt anything like this before. Never. It was.... intense. Devouring.

Sidney kissed her neck tenderly and her hair tickling his face as she pushed more into him. Her hands held his face and she whispered. 

"I love you so.“ 

Biting his neck, over the pulse point, like he had done before, he whimpered and shivered underneath her touch. A feeling of proud, to be able to raise this feelings in him burned inside her belly and she didn’t stop touching and kissing his chest and shoulders. He let her do to him, what ever she wanted. Oh, what for a painful tenderness!

Suddenly she tickled him, laughed in his skin and he grabbed her a little tighter. His gaze burned deep into her eyes and goose bumps flooded her body. A strange feeling was tingling,..... everywhere.

The smile faded as she kissed him again. She traced the swung of his soft lips. She bit his full lower lip and stroked it with her tongue as he had taught her.  
Sidney growled into her ear.

She shivered and hummed his name in his neck as he stroked her back softly. Touching lovingly her side of her breasts made her jerk a little. As he touched her smooth skin which was pressed against his chest gently, her breath was racing. His fingers gripped her hair to push her to his lips again. 

It was a whirlwind of emotions. Charlotte’s eyes prickled, like she have to cry, while her body was in flames and shaking. Her heart was on bursting point and the bliss inside of her demanded.....release.  
A small laugher slipped away, as he stroke her sides, till his strong hands griped her face. They became silent. Nearly raptured from the world.

Charlotte graced her lips over his. Almost a kiss. Almost. Till he captured her mouth again. In a longing, overwhelming kiss. A hand wandered down her body again and pulled her on top of his. He pressed her tightly to him. As she withdrew slightly to caught her breath he whispered.

"Charlotte.“

She smiled at him saying her name in this special rough voice.  
He was adorable. Hair tousled, eyes sleepy. As he intertwined their fingers and pulled them down next to his head, he begged.

"Make love to me“.


	24. bliss

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Charlotte and Sidney can not get enough of each other....

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> a little more bliss before it gets serious again.

Charlotte awoke with the painful feeling of being alone.  
A wave of disappointment, to not awaken in his embrace flooded her.  
At that moment he crept into the room. In his hands a tray with breakfast, although it was already noon.

"You are awake." Sidney noticed with a smile and came back to her in bed.  
He kissed her on the forehead and when she smelled the fresh tea and anchovies paste, her stomach growled.

"You must be hungry," he handed her the tea, "after all, it's been a whole day since you ate anything." He grinned. 

The memory of the past evening, the night and the early morning made her blush.  
What they had done! She bit her lip and so that his wife went strengthened into the day, Sidney let her eat in peace. 

Later he personally prepared her a bath, washed her hair and scratched her head so lovingly that she almost drifted off to sleep.  
But then he began to wash her tenderly and that distracted her so much that she kissed him passionately and pulled him into the tub. He was fully clothed.

The next day she wanted to make him happy by baking him, her husband....oh this word! A pie.  
She closed her eyes with joy for a moment and her heart made an extra beat as she felt his hands on hers as she kneaded the dough.  
First he licked her fingers clean before he took her in his arms, kissed her almost dizzy and then carried her up in their bedroom.

Later, when she had just put the hot cake out of the oven to cool off, she suddenly found herself pressed against the wall. Her skirts pushed up to her hips and Sidney kissed her body down, kneeling in front of her. When she clawed her hands into his hair, she thought she had really hurt him. Cause a deep rumble escaped his throat as he briefly detached himself from her. Immediately he continued his caresses and when her knees gave way under her, he caught her and pulled her close to him.  
While she was trembling and trying to catch her breath again.

As they watched the setting sun kissing the horizon in the evening, Sidney led her to the blankets and pillows he had set up on their terrace for an evening picnic.  
After tasting a piece of the cake for dessert, he began his teasing again.  
He kissed and caressed her tenderly until he pulled her onto his lap and slowly undressed her.  
They loved each other under the rising moon and Charlotte only seemed to float.

Of course it couldn't go on like this forever. Despite his protest, they had to go about their duties at some point.  
And so they met for lunch at Trafalgar house on the following Saturday.  
They tried to avoid each other, did not sit near by and looked at each other as rarely as possible.  
But as soon as they said goodbye to go home, they couldn't keep their hands off each other.

Sidney even pulled Charlotte into the shade between two unfinished houses and kissed her so passionately that she trembled all over her body.  
But as they heard voices from passing passers-by, they broke away. Both knew it had been very dangerous. There would have been a huge scandal.  
So they ran home without even holding hands.

Sunday after church they met Lady Denham for the first time since they were married.

As the Lady approached them, they were awaiting of a teasing saying.  
"Ah Miss Heywood!“   
Sidney interrupted and said proudly.  
"Mrs Parker, Lady Denham.“  
"Yes, yes. Mrs Parker then.“ The old Lady gestured with her hand, as if this was not so important at all.  
"I didn’t thought, you would make it true.“  
"What?“ Charlotte asked confused.  
"To wed for love and not for wealth.“ The new Mrs And Mr Parker laughed at this quote and remembered the lunch at Lady Denham’s almost a year ago.

"But this didn’t fit with you, Mr Parker.“  
His face get pale a second, his eyes widen a bit, Charlotte looked unbelieving at the older woman and took a breath to answer that.

"As I heard of Lord Babbington, the young Lady has a fortune of her own now, and that this is more, as you could tell about yourself.“  
Lady Denham said chuckling and turned on her heels to leave.

"I am awaiting your visit tomorrow, we have more secret business to discuss.“ She cried above her shoulder and Sidney knew that there was work waiting.  
A lot of work.

But first he and his wife - it was still unusual to call her that - went for a walk on the beach with the rest of Parker's family and Charlotte whispered to her husband,  
...Oh that word again! That she would like to learn to swim.  
Without the heavy swimsuit.

So from now on they always went to their secret cove at sunset and Sidney tried to teach his wife how to swim.  
Often he was a little distracted and could not concentrate on his task. Because when her undergarment stuck to her body and highlighted all her curves, he couldn't help but seduce her.

Afterwards they went back home tightly wrapped and after dinner in front of the fireplace they read each other their favourite books.  
They talked excitedly and interestedly. About their families. Their childhood and their childhood dreams.  
Charlotte gradually learned all the secrets of her husband. What he had experienced on his journey to and in Antigua. How the friendship to Georgina's father had developed and that he hoped to be able to bring her there someday.

Sometimes they fell asleep on the sofa. Intertwined, her head on his chest, his arms tightly around her back, legs almost knotted.  
Sometimes they lay right in front of the fireplace. Wrapped in blankets. Naked. Loving each other.  
Or just tenderly sinking into each other’s eyes. 

The one who awoke first brought breakfast to the other in bed and later they made plans for the day.  
They visited their friends and family and slowly began their life together. They worked at Trafalgar house or at home.

And if that was so, before work, after work or during work Sidney and Charlotte distracted each other and made love everywhere.  
They only controlled themselves when the maiden was there, but fortunately she only came once a week.

To win even more money, Charlotte had an idea for the first ball of the season.

"I thought they could erm..maybe pay for the dances." She explained to him.  
"What do you mean?" he asked curiously and smiled broadly as she told him full of enthusiasm about her idea.  
"Well, every man who wants to dance with a certain lady has to pay a certain sum for it..."  
"But you know I don't have any money." He told her half serious and started stroking her neck.  
"Since you left me your account," she took the air sharply in as he kissed her neck.  
"I could pay for it,.... erm... to dance with you." She explained breathlessly.

"You shall spend your money only on meaningful things.“ He whispered.  
"You...are...quite, erm...meaningful..." She moaned before she completely forgot what she had just thought and pressed herself firmly to him. 

She wrapped her arms and legs around him as he lifted her up and once again successfully distracted her from her work.


	25. well then

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> now it's a year after the terrible events.  
What a journey!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My dear readers.  
Thank you for reading my story to the end! I hope you're not disappointed.
> 
> I am incredibly grateful for the support, the recognition and the beautiful comments. 
> 
> It's incredible that this series made me write fan fiction. I've read it all, but I never thought I'd make it and in a foreign language as well. But that someone would read it! That's unbelievable.
> 
> I've never had so much positive feedback on my writing.  
For that I thank you all from the bottom of my heart!!
> 
> And now I sit here and a few (only a few, I swear) tears run down my cheeks because "Fate" is over.  
Thank you. Hope you enjoy the last chapter...
> 
> Well then!

The first ball of the season was a big success. First they fired that the society didn’t like the idea to be paid for the dances, but it was soon a challenge how much a woman was worth to dance with. Sometime even the wealthy woman paid for the men they want to dance with.  
How it turned out it was Lady Susan Worchester’s idea. And her first dance was with Sidney.

Arthur paid a lot of money to dance with Georgiana and Charlottes Sister Alison, who was visiting Sanditon with their brother John.  
Diana Parker wasn’t so happy about that fact, but was convinced as Dr Fuchs paid to dance with her. Twice. 

Mr Stringer wanted desperately to dance with Alison, but couldn’t pay so much, so he just got one dance and stood there and observed her the rest of the night. Till Lady Susan paid to dance with him and left in the middle of the dance to changed place with her.  
In the breaks between dances John and Arthur had lively conversations, and everyone, who observed them, saw it was the beginning of a wonderful and lifelong friendship...

All the money flowed into the ’Sanditon Holding’ without any deductions. It was such a huge sum, Tom was all red face and enthusiastic and had thousand and thousand more ideas how to spend this money. But luckily it wasn’t his job anymore to decide about it. 

  
  


At Lady Denham’s Luncheon this year, she told her guests how happy she was about the success of the first ball this season, the ’Sanditon Holding’ itself, and the new investors. But before Tom could adorn with strange feathers, she praised.  
"Little Miss Heywood over there,“ she began.  
"Mrs Parker.“ Sidney reminded her of this important fact and smiled like an idiot at his wife.  
"Then that's it!“ The Lady declared annoyed,  
"Little Mrs Charlotte Parker over there is a very capable, intelligent, success-oriented young Lady. And I would say thank her for all her work, but I assume she would become cocky, so I don’t.“ She laughed. 

And after a awkward silent on the whole table, Tom starts laughing as well and the rest joined in. Only Sidney kept silent and whispered in Charlottes ear.  
"I told you long ago, you were capable.“

She smiled up at him but before she could answer, Lady Denham told an exciting news, Esther and Lord Babington became parents.  
Esther wasn't angry at her aunt, after all, it wasn't a secret anymore. Everyone already knew, because she could hardly hide it anymore.

  
  
  


At the cricket game of this year, Sidney told them there was a player who should replace Sir Edward Denham, since he was banished from Sanditon by Lady Denham. Sidney asked John Heywood to replace him for this game for once, and Arthur was excited to met his friend again.  
Crowe was sober for once and played very well. He told them that a woman was to blame, but he didn't want to tell them yet who she was.

  


Sidney wasn’t an idiot, of course he knew that Georgiana and Otis Molyneux were corresponding. And after his wife had convinced him, that true love will never die and Georgina would go to marry Otis anyway. He decided he'd rather be a part of it.  
And maybe he could convince Georgiana to take care about her fortune and take possible steps with the solicitor, which assured her that Otis wasn't really interested in her money. But first he had to rely on their trust that they had built over the last months. They were now something like friends or big brother and little sister.  
So he invited Otis to Sanditon. To join them at the cricket match and after that for dinner at their home. But instead of borrowing the cook and maids and servants from Trafalgar House for this occasion, Sidney himself and Charlotte took care of the food. They found it appropriate because they didn't have so much money at their disposal. And besides, it was very pleasant not to have anyone in the house when they get......distracted. 

  
  


So Georgiana finally got her happy ending, she only has to wait until the end of summer.  
"You are so evil!" She shouted to Sidney. But in a teasing way and Charlotte couldn't believe her eyes when Georgiana finally hugged him and asked him shyly.  
"Will you walk me down the aisle?"  
"Of course!" He replied before she had finished her sentence.

  
  


The regatta was a bigger success as the year before, there were plenty more competitors, more entertainment.  
Also a swim competition, horse parcours and for the ladies a painting contest and, that was Sidney's idea, a Cricket match.  
Ladies who have been to visit, against the hometown Ladies. It was a lot of fun.  
Surely the hometown woman won, after Charlotte and her sister played on the same team.

  
  


James Stringer declared his love to Miss Alison Heywood on the midsummer ball, but of course he could not make her a proposal yet.  
Finally it was the anniversary of his father's death and he had received an offer to continue his education in Italy. At least for half a year.  
Alison was romantic and had a crush on Mr Stringer, but of course she also knew that a year ago he had been in love with her sister.  
So was he fickle? Or did he just long for togetherness and a family?  
Six months abroad would not only bring him closer to his architect's dream, but would also test the consistency of their feelings for each other.  
And as Mr Heywood would say, 'everything comes at the right time'.

  


  


After Charlotte and Sidney were too busy the last weeks, they realized at the midsummer ball that they had not seen each other properly for days.  
They searched the crowd for each other, but let no one stop them from coming together. The rest of the evening they held hands.  
Even if it was unseemly to show their affection like that, they couldn't help it.

They were with their thoughts at the events of last year. And although they also thought of Mr Stringer's death and still felt very sorry for James, Charlotte couldn't help mourning about her youth. Which she had lost the day Sidney finished with her what had only just begun.

Sidney knew how she felt, of course he felt the same way.  
The stabbing pain of loss was over, but the mere thought of living a life apart almost pushed them to their limits.  
The feelings of guilt penetrated him.

And when they both were finally at home alone, they lay in each other's arms and cried.  
Charlotte was so exhausted at some point that Sidney had to carry her upstairs.  
And since she wore the slightly altered dress of her wedding for the Midsummer Ball, without the sensual lace on the décolleté.  
Sidney now had the pleasure of slowly peeling her wedding dress off her body.  
They loved each other that night lovingly.

In a state between dream and awakening, they were always frightened out of nightmares and each time the other was there to comfort the other with caresses, words of love and simply by the presence. They spent every night in each other's arms anyway, but since then it was even...more.  
Even more heartfelt. They were even more one.  
Melted together, like the double-banded ring on Charlotte's finger.

"I never want to be anywhere else than with you." Sidney breathed in Charlotte's ear as she tenderly stroked his face.  
"And I never want to spend another day without you." She said and both had to smile.

"Well then."  
"Well then."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ....but if you know my series "What if" as well, you might think I have some ideas for another story to come...


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